29th Fundamental: Vegetarianism no longer optional

vegetarian7th-daySILVER SPRING, Md. — Meat-eating Seventh-day Adventists may soon be a thing of the past.

In what analysts describe as a tightening of religious identity, the Adventist Church is contemplating adding a 29th Fundamental Belief (mandatory vegetarianism) to its existing 28.

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“If all goes as planned, vegetarianism will no longer be optional for Adventists come mid-2015,” said Jerry Brinckerhoff, GC Health Ministries Director.  “We’ve been building up to this moment for over 150 years as a church, and I am proud that we are finally close to taking this momentous step.”

Voting on whether or not to make vegetarianism mandatory will take place at the 2015 General Conference Session in San Antonio, Texas.  The measure is likely to pass by a wide margin.

“We have always defined the cutting edge of healthy living as a movement and it is high time we took the bold step of returning completely to the diet of Eden,” said Brinckherhoff.  “This will separate real Adventists from FunVentists that are watering down our identity by sneaking chicken salads and sumptuous steaks into our church potlucks.”

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The Association of Adventist Book Centers has officially welcomed the news and has already reported a notable spike in its food products.

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36 Comments

  1. The real joke here is that the veggie-meats we sell are some of the UNHEALTHIEST foods out there. Yea, it’s healthier than sucking bacon grease through a straw, but they are packaged with tons of salt, contain all kinds of ultra-processed egg and dairy products, contain just ungodly amounts of tortured-woops-I-mean-textured vegetable protein and gluten, and typically have an ingredient list longer than my master’s program reading assignments (ok, that’s gross hyperbole, but it was fun!) Yet we pass them off as health food. That isn’t health food. Health food is celery, a fresh salad with some sunflower seeds, and finding spiffy ways to make food delicious without dumping a 5 pound glob of Velveeta cheese in it. Adventist potlucks: I’m looking at you! Sister Margie Smith, your Jell-O and Cool-Whip desert is putting us all in diabetic comas, er…I mean…making us ready for Sabbath naps. And P.S. Jell-O contains gelatin which is neither vegan nor Kosher. Gelatin is typically sourced from horse or pig hooves, neither of which are animals that both chew cud and have cleft hooves. So why do ultra conservative Michigan church potlucks serve Jell-O desert? *mind blown*

  2. Richard Mills

    5/29/14
    Maybe I can now buy WHAM without the “W”! My Big Franks will now be the real stuff. But, I can now eat Hebrew National products as approved by a “Higher Power” than the GC! Way to Go!!

  3. Richard Mills

    5/29/14
    What a booming business for the ABC’s to be retrofitted into an Arby’s, Denny’s, Fuddruckers’s, Sonic, etc.
    I really want a veggie-Hardee’s burger with non-GMO french fries, soy vanilla milk shake. YUMMY-YUMMY–GOOD FOR YOUR TUMMY.

  4. steve

    The only thing that bothers me about it is that Soy beans are now GMO because of Monsanto. Answers to this would be appreciated. How do Adventist feel about it?

    • Rachelle

      Exactly! Not only that but soy really shouldn’t be consumed in large quantities. I don’t eat any of the “fake” meats because they’re terribly unhealthy, full of GMO’s, they’re not organic, and the ingredient list is way too long for me!!

    • MadDoc

      Most Adventists I have spoken to do not seem to care about GMO. I guess it’s because Mrs White never said anything about it. They do, however, get all excited about her statements on “amalgamation”. Go figure.

  5. What a flying load of hog fat! How do people get so bitter over a church they no longer go to. Go, Have fun. Leave us in peace. That’s not too much to ask. Kind of a treat others the way you want to be treated. I won’t ridicule you. Would appreciate the same courtesy.

    • Ray Kraft

      Maybe some people feel they wasted a lot of their misspent youth going to a church that worships nonsense . . . like masturbation and eating meat are the two leading causes of death and disease.

      I think it’s amusing that the Adventists (I was “born” a 3d gen SDA) have had their “health message” for 150 years, but Whole Foods has done a thousand times more to change the way the rest of America eats than the Adventists ever will.

  6. Bryant

    There is absolutely nothing entertaining or redeeming about this site. In fact, it is apparently rather difficult for some people to understand that, as tasteless and useless as the information posted here is, it is somehow meant to amuse and entertain. Someone. Somewhere. At least that’s what the apparent intent is. Almost every time I come across one of these posts I cringe because I realize that someone will mistakenly believe the farce to be true. Wouldn’t time be much better filled doing something useful for God and humanity?

    • Jonathan

      Umm……. I’m a student at Milo Academy and the article on this website about our church was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! Some people just need to read the articles and it becomes obvious that they are fake. (or, you know, they could READ THE NAME OF THE WEBSITE). Grow a sense of humor people

    • Ray Kraft

      The stories here at BA are satirical, and satire works ’cause it illumines truths . . . in a new light.

      I think they’re great, entertaining, redeeming.

      Adventists don’t like to look in the mirror . . . they don’t like to have any idea how they are seen by Unbelievers . . . or how Unbelievers don’t fit their image of bad people and sinners . . . after Rio Lindo Academy I went to a community college, and I was shocked! SHOCKED!! at how nice and decent and good people most of the Unbelievers there really were.

      Adventists deny that the Papacy is infallible, but they believe that the Bible (which is full of ambiguities and contradictions), EGW (who wrote a lot of sense and a lot of nonsense) and the General Conference (the Adventist Vatican) are infallible.

    • Mklpickle

      The point is, the unhealthy food is sold @ SDA institutions. Even Public Schools have replaced some of their unhealthy choices.
      Offering/selling this sends the wrong message.

  7. The health teachings of Adventism are a misnomer. They are rigorously following the Bible’s health’s proclamation that human body is the temple of God. Therefore, we are not to defile our most precious body by eating unhealthy food; and instead the Adventist Church adhered to a vegetarian diet which E. G. White herself admonished to follow healthy diet protocol. The problem with sticking to the lacto-vegetarian diet is hard to achieve especially of many SDAs who have difficulty in adjusting to a strict vegetarian diet. Furthermore, some people (SDA) if not all still consume fish, sea food, and some other questionable unhealthy food products.
    I am very grateful that the Adventist health teachings are to be strictly followed not of religious practice but of health reasons. The term vegetarian is no longer accepted in the health and science community but rather the word “vegan” is now the in thing and the future holds for the whole food plant-based-diet phenomenon.

  8. sea suntoes

    So another doctrine forced down “literally” our throats! God gave us freedom…to choose between good and evil…The church (man-made) is taking that away from us? Besides, I don’t believe eating meat or other things…beyond the churches’ doctrine… is a salvation issue.
    The bottom line, Jesus saves! Not the church.
    You get it?

    • Brian

      Yes, Jesus saves, not church membership, but the church is not man made its God made we just happen to be the ones who comprise Gods church. The Church is the institution on this earth that God bestows His supreme reguard. Is it perfect? By no means but it’s this imperfect group that Christ makes perfect by his blood and will claim as his bride.

      • Dave

        I would have to take issue with your use of “The Church” as the “…institution on this earth…”. Our church leadership wants us to believe that so we will support them. But careful reading points to the “Body of Christ” as a collection of believers in His redeeming power, not an organized institution. Otherwise we may find ourselves being deluded that our church leadership is infallible….

      • Ray Kraft

        The church is indisputably man-made.

        All of them are.

        Read the Gospels. Nowhere does Jesus say, “Form a new church dedicated to the worship of Me!”

        He never says, “Worship Me.”

        He never says, “Make Me a church.”

        What he does say is, “Sell what you have, and give to the poor” (Luke 12). Ouch!

        “Feed the hungry. Care for the sick. Comfort the prisoners. Shelter the homeless. Whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done it for me. And whatever you have not done for the least of these, you have not done it for me.”

        He doesn’t say a thing about vegetarianism as an article of faith.

  9. Meaning, no more grilled Chicken, fried fish (Philippine style), corned beef with tomatoes, onion and garlic, on our eating tables? What will happen to our source of protein needed to build chromosomes inside our body. We can’t rely on mostly vegetables and fruits for the kind of situation. My opinion is- a combination of both carnivorous and vegetarian foods our body needs. Then, beef, chicken and fish will get out of our table? Are you kidding me? Is this final? I have cousins and an aunt in the State of Oregon that looks like a clown, because of bold eyes about to get out of its place and skinny bodies, less strength and weak. Plus- our looks will be funny. How about our strength to run? lack or protein? lack of other things coming from Carne or meat support our body metabolism. The Way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ alone, and is not through vegetarianism or carnivorous way of life, but a combination of both. This article made me laugh-

  10. I’m a true SDA church-goer in words and in deeds. I love my religion. I’ll die being an SDA, because this is the only true church in this sinful world that teaches the truth. Yes, I’m a die hard and loyal 5-generation SDA Church member, but I’m not a vegetarian. I’m a carnivorous. Sorry to say that-
    Hopefully, Vegetarianism will not be in place as the 29th Fundamentalist Belief in the World Church GC Meeting agenda in San Antonio, TX next year- Bound for Heaven? How about those righteous people who will join our Church soon during the last day events scenario, what will they do? then, do you still have to inform them to become a vegetarian even though there’s nothing to eat @ that time, except meat, fish or chicken on the markets. No kiddin’ …..God bless you all the readers.

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