Adventism wins ‘Demanding Denomination of the Year’ title as Annual Review is introduced

Church leaders promise to go easy on Annual Reviews for small children...
Church leaders promise to go easy on Annual Reviews for small children…
Christianity Today’s annual listing of Most Demanding Christian Denominations was published today with the Seventh-day Adventist Church listed as the undisputed winner. Always in the top 5 toughest denominations, Christianity Today Rankings Editor, Edna Rodriguez, said that Adventism’s recent introduction of an “Annual Review” for all members catapulted the denomination to winner status.

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“Strict Sabbatarian practices, strongly encouraged vegetarianism, abstinence from alcohol and having to listen to a seemingly immortal musical group called the Heritage Singers has always been enough to prove to us that Adventism isn’t for lightweights,” said Rodriguez. “But this whole Annual Review thing takes the cake.”

Adventist Church leaders launched the Annual Review as a way to “data cleanse,” says General Conference Communications Associate, Gunner Rockford. He went on to explain that members that did not score at least a 7 out of a 10 in the review would be “scrubbed from the books.” Annual Reviews include a detailed discussion of personal tithing, potluck contribution quality and Hope Channel viewing patterns, in addition to many other vital matters.

“The introduction of the Annual Review on top of an already-challenging lifestyle and an ever-growing list of fundamental beliefs doesn’t at all seem to temper the fervor with which Adventism’s leadership seeks to raise the bar for membership qualification,” said Rodriguez. “I’ll get biblical and say that the denomination’s requirements are ‘eye of the needle hard.'”

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