SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a move aimed at encouraging "appropriate Adventist attire," the Adventist Church has introduced a preferred seating policy to reward anyone wearing a tie to church.
Those that qualify will gain VIP access to roped-off, tie-only pews in the middle of each church's main sanctuary.
Tie-only pews will feature brand new hymnals and extra-cushy kneeling cushions.
No word has been given on whether cheap clip-on ties merit church goers the same privileges as elaborately knotted silk ties.
A reporter that pointed out that the seating policy favored men over women as women were less likely to wear ties was told that the new policy was justified as it promoted "unity" in the church.