Adventists across America are devouring lavish Thanksgiving dinners armed with tales of grateful pilgrims at the very first Thanksgiving, sharing delicious Tofurky roasts with one and all.
"Having successfully fled religious persecution and the dangerous carnivorous habits of the Old World, pilgrims enjoyed the first recorded Thanksgiving spread which was as delicious as it was vegetarian," said Adventist historian and fierce meat analogue proponent Sodeeum Bohm.
"The amazing inventiveness and forward-thinking health habits of the Plymouth Conlony pilgrims back in 1623 is an inspiration to us even today," said Bohm, polishing off not his first but what he insists was not his seventh helping of Tofurky roast.
Bohm stressed that not only did the 17th century Tofurky dinner
provide excellent nutrition to brave pilgrims but it served as a sumptuous bridge builder between settlers and the native peoples of the area.
"Let no Adventist neglect the opportunity to be truly hospitable at this time of year," said Bohm. "Nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" better to the uninitiated than inviting them to your family dinner and presenting them with a plate of factory-made fake turkey."
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