Loma Linda Church Greeters Trade Handshakes For Fist Bumps To Fight Coronavirus

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventist churches in the Loma Linda area have taken it upon themselves to set a good example during the coronavirus outbreak. Instead of shaking members’ hands to wish Read more […]

Andrews Seminarian Convinced He Is Predestined For Marriage

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Seasoned Andrews seminarian Amo Reterno, put a brave face on Valentines this year, certain that love was bound to come knocking in time for a pre-graduation engagement. Despite Read more […]

Decision To Leave Burning Adventist Building Requires Quorum

ADVENTIST WORLD — An update to GC Working Policy States addresses decisions about exiting burning Adventist structures. The update requires a quorum of the committee with highest local authority Read more […]

Netflix: Next Season Of The Crown To Feature GC Elections

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Netflix has made the decision to give the British Royal Family a break for the next season of hit series The Crown. The show will instead focus on the upcoming General Conference Read more […]

Bad Boys Spinoff To Feature Will Smith As Badventist

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Fresh off the release of Bad Boys For Life, Hollywood legend Will Smith has announced a Bad Boys franchise spinoff titled “Badventist.” The film will feature Smith Read more […]

Adventist Scientists Forced To Disclose Religious Affiliation Before Recommending Stripples

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — The American Dietary Association claims that Adventist scientists are allowing their religious bias to color their nutritional recommendations. The ADA is particularly Read more […]

Senate To Break For Periodic Annual Council-Style Exercise During Impeachment Trial

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the impeachment trial gets under way in the Senate, lawmakers have opted to implement a very Adventist protocol to break up longer stretches of the proceedings. Whenever Read more […]

Revealed: Daniel And Three Friends Rejected Nebuchadnezzar’s Food To Feast On Haystacks

ANCIENT BABYLON — Earlier today, the Biblical Research Institute unveiled findings regarding the special diet of Daniel and his three friends after they asked to be excused from eating Nebuchadnezzar’s Read more […]