GC To Decide If Pets Go To Heaven
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A special all-male committee of GC executives has been asked to write a position statement on whether pets get to go to heaven. Although the Bible will be consulted, Read more […]
Apple Claims AirPods Pro Help You Hear “Still, Small Voice”
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple has made some bold claims about the $250 AirPods Pro wireless headphones coming out on October 30. In addition to being noise-canceling and water resistant, the Read more […]
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Trump Cancels Halloween After Hearing Adventist Case For Harvest Festivals
USA – Halloween is canceled. President Trump issued an executive order nixing the holiday after hearing enough Adventists make the case for Harvest Festivals. Instead of dressing up in scary costumes Read more […]
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Members Reprimand Leaders For Not Earning Annual Council Warnings
ADVENTIST WORLD — As division and union leaders around the world begin to report on Annual Council to their local church members, they are facing one uncomfortable question: “Where’s your I Read more […]
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Single, Eligible Adventist Men Declared Endangered Species
New York, N.Y. — The United Nations has added single, eligible Adventist males to the list of critically endangered species worldwide. The action was taken after representatives from the Read more […]
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Sam’s Chicken Earns Andrews Cafeteria A Michelin Star
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — In an absolute first for an Adventist institution, the Andrews University cafeteria has been awarded a Michelin star in recognition of its “longstanding dedication to Read more […]
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Two-Thirds Majority Of Delegates Punished With Detention For Disruptive Whispering
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Detention time has been added to the growing list of punishments that can be assigned to Annual Council delegates. Unfortunately for those with early flights, two-thirds Read more […]
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Delegate With No Instance Of Non-Compliance To Cast First Stone Of Annual Council Reprimand
SILVER SPRING, Md. — As Annual Council delegates ready themselves for the important duty of shaming conscientious objectors, leaders are reminded of heavenly policy stipulating that only a delegate Read more […]
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GC Sets Up GoFundMe To Counter NAD Tithe Cuts
SILVER SPRING, Md. — As the North American Division starts to reduce the portion of tithe it sends to the General Conference, the denominational headquarters has set up a GoFundMe account to Read more […]
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G.T. Ng Inducted Into Comedy Hall Of Fame
SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time in its history, the Comedy Hall Of Fame has inducted an Adventist. The first Adventist to join this elite circle of comedy greats is none other than Read more […]
