Supreme Court To Rule On Whether Loma Linda Is “More Adventist” Than Berrien Springs

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A question that has been burning in the minds of thousands of Adventists for decades may finally be answered this year: Is Loma Linda more Adventist than Berrien Springs?” As Read more […]

Evangelist Renews Annual Promise of Jesus’ Return Before Christmas

Local Preacher Brother Bartholomew Brightside has once again captured headlines with his bold pronouncement that Jesus Christ will be returning to Earth before Christmas. However, this year’s prediction Read more […]

Local Legalist Pretty Sure He Can Stop Sinning by Labor Day

Brother Jebediah “Jeb”ediah Finch, a pillar of the Tightly-Laced Tabernacle Seventh-day Adventist Church, is feeling optimistic. No, not about the price of avocados (although, that is rough). Jeb Read more […]

Congregation Faces Existential Crisis as Pastor Transcends Noon Sermon Limit

Bumbleton, Iowa – December 28, 2023 – The devoted assembly at Uptite Seventh-day Adventist Church, celebrated for its unwavering programming precision and steadfast Sabbath rituals, was thrust Read more […]

Adventist 30 lbs heavier since Thanksgiving decision to let go and let God

Chattanooga, Tenn. — Since a somber decision to “let go and let God” while going for yet another serving of Tofurky at this year’s Thanksgiving table, lifelong Adventist Fred Munchur has put Read more […]

Signs You Are an Adventist Missionary Kid

Adventist missionary kids are a breed of their own. They can be confusing to their friends that didn’t grow up the same way. Here are some of the signs you grew up as an MK: 1. Rootless Wanderer: Read more […]

Things Adventists Love Beyond Reason

We Adventists have a near-inexplicable infatuation with a number of things. Here are some of them: Ellen White paraphernalia like furniture she used Even the most far-flung Ellen White research Read more […]

How to be Adventist in 2024

Breaking Out of the Bubble in 2024: We Adventists love our bubbles, but it’s time to branch out and engage with the wider world. Let’s shed the “exclusive/peculiar Adventist” stereotype and actively Read more […]