Literalist Men’s Retreat Ends With Everyone’s Eyes Plucked Out

The “Blind Faith” Men’s Retreat ended today with an entirely eye-less crowd of men trying to find their way out of an auditorium. Speakers at the retreat had advocated a stridently literal Read more […]

Heaven Creates Subdivision For Adventists

HEAVEN – Construction angels have been working overtime lately as an ultra-exclusive gated community in heaven takes shape. The subdivision will only house Adventists and is being built so Read more […]

Adventist Colleges Replace Campus Security Officers With Robots

ADVENTIST WORLD — In a bold, blanket move, Adventist colleges have replaced all campus security personnel with robots. Although the initial capital outlay has forced a substantial tuition Read more […]

Instagram “Adventist” Filter Removes Jewelry

MENLO PARK, Calif. — A new “Adventist” filter released by Instagram allows church members to automatically edit out jewelry from their pictures before posting them to the platform. Instagram Read more […]