WARNING: Brexit Could Have “Terrible Consequences” For Newbold Cafeteria Menu

BERKSHIRE, England — In a last-ditch effort to stop Brexit proceedings, Newbold College had warned that the UK’s departure from the European Union could have “terrible consequences” on the menu Read more […]

CONFIRMED: Adventists Born With Two Left Feet

Adventist World: A recently released study by an interdiscipinary team of Loma Linda University faculty has confirmed what many have long suspected: Adventists are born with two left feet. The Read more […]

Wilson and Jackson Resolve to Wear Matching Friendship Bracelets Throughout 2019

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In what the GC is calling “the ultimate sign of bromantic, compliant UNITY,” General Conference President Ted Wilson and North American Division President Dan Jackson have Read more […]

Adventists required to provide hints regarding nature of unspoken prayer requests

Adventist World — Adventists making unspoken prayer requests will now be required to provide hints as to the nature of these mysterious petitions to the curious crowd around them. Whether on Read more […]

Ingathering Robot To Go Door-to-Door In Place of Adventists

Adventist World — Church leaders are predicting that a newly-patented robot called Gimme will solve Adventists’ ingathering woes. Gimme is programmed to go door-to-door and ask people to give Read more […]

Musk: Tunnels Can Get Adventist College Students Back to Dorms Before Curfew

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Billionaire inventor Elon Musk claims that the tunnels he is digging to help urbanites beat traffic gridlock will also have other benefits like “helping students at Adventist Read more […]