Trump promises to slash price of haystacks guac/salsa in half with US-Mexico trade deal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump hailed an “incredible” new trade deal with Mexico today and surprised Adventists, in particular, by saying that the deal would, “make Ben Carson’s people Read more […]

Adventist Church Introduces “Searching Singles Sanctuary Seating”

ADVENTIST WORLD — In an effort to encourage equal yoking, Adventist churches worldwide are introducing Searching Singles Sanctuary Seating. The hope is that like-minded single Adventists will Read more […]

7 Up Named “Most Adventist Soda”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first in its history, the Adventist Church has endorsed a soda. Today, the denomination named 7 Up as the “Most Seventh-day Adventist Soda,” citing not just its Read more […]

BRI: Angels can watch movies after they come out on DVD

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Years and years of research by the Adventist Biblical Research Institute have finally resulted in a ruling that, based on everything the Bible says on the topic, angels Read more […]

‘Crazy Rich Asians’ Sequel Set on Luxurious Campus of the SDA Southern Asia-Pacific Division

CAVITE, Philippines — As the long-awaited romantic comedy, Crazy Rich Asians, wows audiences around the world with its stunning portrayal of Singapore’s hot spots, studio executives have already Read more […]

Trump selects Pathfinder uniforms for Space Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After much deliberation, President Donald Trump has selected Pathfinder uniforms as the official personnel dress code for the space force he is seeking to launch. The Pathfinder Read more […]

Church Board member miraculously transforms molehills into towering mountains

WATFORD, England — Stanborough Seventh-day Adventist Church Board member, Max Forvirring, has spent the last year or so, stunning his fellow church members with his truly miraculous ability Read more […]

Global “Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath” Launched

ADVENTIST WORLD — Next Saturday has been designated Global Pray for Hotter Single Men at Church Sabbath.  The  special designation comes after decades of complaints that single men at church Read more […]