Adventist Annual Council recognizes Spectrum Magazine for “fair and unbiased reporting”

Silver Spring, Md. — World leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church paused for a quick ceremony to recognize Spectrum Magazine’s contribution to Adventist journalism today. Annual Council Read more […]

Mel Gibson awarded honorary Adventist membership for directing ‘Hacksaw Ridge’

  HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Famed actor and director, Mel Gibson is officially the first person to be awarded honorary membership by the Seventh-day Adventist Church. Although church leaders Read more […]

GC’s Annual Council sets Guiness World Record for Biggest Vegetarian Sausage Fest

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Annual Council started with a bang as the yearly church business meeting set a Guiness World Record on the first day. Months of painstaking planning with CHIP-approved Read more […]

General Conference SWAT teams raid offices of women-ordaining unions

BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — SWAT teams of elite Master Guides dressed in black were sent by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists to storm the offices of the Pacific Union Read more […]

Adventist Churches to issue mandatory breath mints on Sabbath mornings

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to improve the Sabbath experience for members and visitors, Seventh-day Adventist church leaders have voted to mandate the distribution of breath mints on Sabbath Read more […]

Adventist man reported missing found in church committee meeting

COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — A 50-something man who was formally declared missing by his family last weekend has been found in a church committee meeting Bo Ludo sheepishly admitted to local reporters Read more […]

Adventist church to increase permissible number of haystack toppings to 29

SILVER SPRING, Md. — After years of painful study, deliberation and taste-testing, Seventh-day Adventist leaders have decided to increase the already hotly-debated number of permissible haystack Read more […]

Heels banned in church for preventing Adventists from walking softly in the sanctuary

SILVER SPRING, Md. — High heels are a thing of the past as far as the Seventh-day Adventist Church is concerned. In a memo released this morning, church leaders banned heels in church for Read more […]

Argentine port authorities bust Adventists for smuggling veggie meat into “steak capital”

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina — The largest smuggling scandal in Adventist history erupted yesterday as the Buenos Aires Port Authority charged the Argentine Seventh-day Adventist Church with trafficking Read more […]