GC sorting union presidents into naughty or nice lists

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Third floor General Conference offices are abuzz with activity this December as administrators sort the names of union presidents from around the world into “naughty” or Read more […]

Adventist Church mandates holiday dress code for members’ pets

SILVER SPRING, Md. — For the first time ever, the Adventist Church has established modesty standards for the holiday attire of pets belonging to members. “We know that our members like to Read more […]

Report: Most Adventists convinced Friday sunset creeps up on them

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — In a study of Adventist worldwide, the majority of respondents expressed a fervent belief that Friday sunsets crept up on them each week. La Sierra University-based, H.M.S. Read more […]

Trumps infuriates GC by calling Andrews University the capital of Adventism

WASHINGTON, D.C. — General Conference leaders are up in arms after US President Donald Trump referred to Berrien Springs-based Andrews University as the “capital of Adventism” in a White House Read more […]

Desperate church choir director just looking for warm bodies for Christmas cantata

DEADLINE, Calif. — A frazzled Adventist church choir director has spent the last two weeks imploring members of his congregation to join the Christmas cantata choir. Although he had initially Read more […]

Adventist preacher introductions must clarify whether visiting speaker is single or taken

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist congregations around the world have been ordered to provide what church administrators call a “vital morsel of information” about visiting preachers. Any such Read more […]

GC tests ballistic missile capable of reaching “anywhere in the Pacific Union Conference”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A statement from the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church confirmed that it had tested a ballistic missile this afternoon “capable of reaching anywhere Read more […]

Olive Garden offers pre-pay option for Adventist Sabbath diners

ORLANDO, Fla. — Olive Garden is offering a pre-pay arrangement valid at any of its locations for Adventists that would like to dine between Friday and Saturday sundown. The move will allow Read more […]