GC declares Adventist martial law to enforce unity

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bid to ensure unity within the Church worldwide, the General Conference has declared Adventist Martial Law. “As of this moment all of Adventism will resemble the Read more […]

New Adventist offering baskets reject $1 bills

SILVER SPRING, Md. — To encourage more generous Adventist giving on Sabbath mornings, new offering plates have been designed that automatically reject $1 bills. The new electronic baskets Read more […]

Dating app alerts you when single Adventists are in church

ADVENTIST WORLD — Saintly Singles, a new dating app for Adventists, promises to take the guess work out of Sabbath morning prospecting. The app will alert single Adventists to the presence Read more […]

Southern students meet and marry within first month of school

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Two students have met and married within the first month of the new school year at Southern Adventist University. “This is a record, even for Southern,” read a university Read more […]

Adventists completely united in desire for new iPhone

ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventists everywhere united in prayer this week. Church administrators marveled as members of hugely diverse cultural and theological persuasions joined hands and hearts Read more […]

Adventist deacons issued Super Soakers to wake up church nappers

ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist deacons have received the ultimate weapon to combat napping in church: Super Soakers. Shipments of the high-power water guns arrived at Adventist churches worldwide Read more […]

Adventist keeps church hopping to retain visitor status at potluck

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A lifelong Adventist who moved to Berrien Springs years ago has refused to transfer his membership to a local church. Instead, Jack Jumpur has opted to church hop Read more […]

Adventist contractor exclusively builds Sabbath-appropriate wading pools

PUDDLE, Fla. — An Adventist contractor has launched a business exclusively dedicated to building shallow pools appropriate for Sabbath wading. Holly Stride has taken out ads all over Adventist Read more […]