HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Zach Galifianakis, the comedic actor and host of Comedy Central’s Between Two Ferns has licensed the concept of his brilliantly successful talk show to an Adventist Independent Read more […]
LINCOLN, Neb. — The minute word got out that Union College had issued special edition FriChik cans, orders came pouring in from End Times enthusiasts in mountain cabins everywhere. The FriChik Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ben Carson has been tapped to replace Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications Director. “I realize that being communications director around here has turned Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Effective immediately, all baptized members of the Adventist Church will be required to take pre-Sabbath baths. The new policy was announced this morning by the General Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists around the world have been called to abandon the “unclean veggie meat” in Big Franks now that a healthier, less processed Loma Linda veggie hot dog has arrived Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A team of US congressional aides have been assigned the task of studying all levels of Adventist governance. The goal is to discover ways to help lawmakers in Congress Read more […]
BORING, Ore. — An Adventist man has sued his local congregation after miraculously surviving a fall from an open church window. Charly Drawsee had reportedly opened a balcony window at Tumble Read more […]
ATHENS, Ga. — An Adventist pastor was dismissed from his post today after it was discovered that he had been faking his grasp of biblical Greek over the last several years. Pastor Joe Phantasia Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A worldwide study of Adventists has found that 99% of Adventists suffered from permanently fractured funny bones. “The fracture means that Adventists are almost never Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Angels assigned to watch over Adventist church bureaucrats held an emergency meeting today as frustration over Adventist jargon reached what spokesangel Riseubuvit called “apocalyptic Read more […]
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