WASHINGTON, D.C. — Adventist Churches across America have been stumbling over themselves trying to schedule former FBI Director James Comey for an appearance at one of their services. Comey’s Read more […]
CRAWFORD COUNTY, Mich. — Camp Au Sable signed an unlikely kitesurfing instructor this week. Former President Barack Obama who has enjoyed his fair share of water sports since leaving office, Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church released a statement this afternoon claiming that the denomination’s female cofounder, Ellen White, was the “Original Wonder Woman.” Church leaders Read more […]
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Church has launched COFEFE, a new “presidentially-inspired, caffeine-free drink that trumps all other coffee substitutes on the market.” The Read more […]
ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist colleges around the world have issued an apology to students and alumni for being located “so far from anything remotely cool.” The apology comes after Read more […]
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church is beefing up security with dedicated Illuminati detectors. Effective immediately, anyone entering Read more […]
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — In the largest study of its kind ever conducted, researchers have determined that Adventists find it absolutely impossible to hold hands in a circle without singing the chorus Read more […]
KEENE, Texas — Comedic actor Will Ferrell has announced plans to teach a college-level class. The class is called “More Cowbell” and Ferrell will be teaching it at Southwestern Adventist Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Nutritionists at Loma Linda University have unveiled the latest in “biblically-inspired eating for optimal health.” The new diet consists of roasted (not fried) locusts Read more […]
COLLEGE PLACE, Wash. — Former FBI director James Comey has accepted a role as head of Walla Walla University’s Campus Security Department. In accepting the role, Comey cited a desire to get back Read more […]
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