Melashenko Family to tour camp meetings as circus troupe

(We took this post down when we heard (very late) of the June 2013 passing of the Melashenko patriarch. He was a friend with whom we went to church for years and we had the deepest respect for him. Read more […]

La Sierra taking suggestions for next church belief to question

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — To combat summer boredom and strengthen their reputation as the rebels of Adventism, La Sierra University administrators have decided to spend the rest of the summer brainstorming Read more […]

New slogan for Newbold College: ‘We’re Still Open’

BRACKNELL, England — In an effort to boost enrollment for the coming academic year, Newbold College has settled on a new marketing slogan: “We’re Still Open.” The only Adventist institution Read more […]

Adventist translation of Bible to omit ‘awkward parts’

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist scholars have embarked on what promises to be a challenging creative endeavor: publishing the first Adventist translation of the Bible. In contrast with Adventist Read more […]

Ted Wilson disfellowships Adventist mafia members

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Taking his cue from the recent move by Pope Francis to excommunicate Italian Mafia members, General Conference President Ted Wilson made a sweeping announcement today Read more […]

Trapdoor disposes of visiting Pioneer Memorial Church speaker

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Bored yawns turned to mild terror followed by unrestrained rejoicing at Andrews University’s Pioneer Memorial Church (PMC) this Sabbath as a visiting preacher was Read more […]

3ABN unveils Sabbath-appropriate 4th of July sparklers

WEST FRANKFORT, Ill. — Due to the fact that this year’s 4th of July celebrations take place on a Friday night, the Three Angels Broadcasting Network (3ABN) has been running hourly announcements Read more […]

Adventism wins ‘Demanding Denomination of the Year’ title as Annual Review is introduced

Christianity Today’s annual listing of Most Demanding Christian Denominations was published today with the Seventh-day Adventist Church listed as the undisputed winner. Always in the top 5 Read more […]

Georgia Cumberland Academy debuts gentle tasers for bad students

CALHOUN, Ga. — Staff at Georgia Cumberland Academy (GCA) have tested a stunningly effective disciplinary tool. “Gentle Tasers” provide what GCA administration described as “a cautionary jolt” Read more […]

North American Division led staff in all-day World Cup prayer session for Team USA

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The North American Division held an all-day prayer vigil for Team USA ahead of their crucial July 1 soccer World Cup game against Belgium. The entire second floor Read more […]