Amy Coney Barrett Confirmed As Fodder For Future Prophecy Seminars

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hours ago, the US Senate confirmed Judge Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court in a victory for Adventist prophecy seminars everywhere. The 48-year-old Roman Catholic Read more […]

Explosive NYT Report Reveals Trump Gave Nothing To 13th Sabbath Offering

NEW YORK, N.Y. — A bombshell New York Times report into President Donald Trump’s tax returns has revealed the US President gave exactly nothing to 13th Sabbath School offering over the last Read more […]

Trump Attacks China With Choice EGW Quotes

UN TV WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has used a brand new weapon in his ongoing war of words and trade with China: Ellen G. White quotations. Trump prefaced his recent UN General Read more […]

La Sierra Announces Exclusively Online Dating For Fall

RIVERSIDE, Calif. — La Sierra University students hoping for romance this fall may have to settle for virtual flirting. As part of its announcement that classes would all be online for Read more […]

Fundamental Beliefs Back Down To 27 Due To Budget Cuts

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Adventist leaders have decided to condense the steadily-growing number of denominational fundamental beliefs to 27 in response to a push to slash budgets. “We realize Read more […]

No News Is Good News: It’s Been A While Since Women’s Ordination Has Been In Adventist News So It’s Safe To Assume It’s All Been Solved By Now

Over the last few months, nobody’s been saying much about women’s ordination. We’re guessing that’s because we Adventists have officially worked the whole thing out. Who knew we had it in us Read more […]

Single Theology Major Predicts Marriage Date On Prophecy Chart

Soon. ADVENTIST WORLD — To keep his hopes burning bright, Southern Adventist University theology major, Encro Yable, has taken it upon himself to update an historic Adventist prophecy chart. Yable Read more […]