First vegan Dairy Queen to open at Loma Linda University

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Frozen-treat chain Dairy Queen has announced plans to open an entirely vegan store on the campus of Loma Linda University. Although the chain already offers some vegan-appropriate Read more […]

General Conference official fired after mustard bottle found in desk

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A senior official has been fired from his post at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists after a bottle of mustard was discovered in his top desk drawer. Solo Read more […]

Kellogg’s donation makes Adventist college free

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — In a major philanthropic decision, American food manufacturing company Kellogg’s has announced plans to honor the Adventist heritage of the company. The company will donate Read more […]

Chuck Norris converts to Adventism, turns world vegetarian

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Mere days after famed martial arts action movie star Chuck Norris announced his conversion to Seventh-day Adventism, vegetarianism has spread like wildfire as the diet of Read more […]

Adventist Church reprimands Union College for slipping okra into haystacks

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church released a scathing rebuke of the denomination’s Nebraska-based Union College this morning. The criticism from the church’s General Read more […]

Adventist archaeologists trace haystacks back to Garden of Eden

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A team of Seventh-day Adventist researchers from the church’s Geoscience Research Institute has discovered what they say is “conclusive evidence that Adam and Eve ate haystacks Read more […]

Adventists tell heartwarming tales of pilgrims sharing Tofurky at first Thanksgiving

Adventists across America are devouring lavish Thanksgiving dinners armed with tales of grateful pilgrims at the very first Thanksgiving, sharing delicious Tofurky roasts with one and all. “Having Read more […]

Adventist leaders announce “haystacks-related” 29th fundamental belief

SILVER SPRING, Md. — A new fundamental belief for the Seventh-day Adventist Church is in the pipeline according to an official statement from the General Conference. Although the exact language Read more […]

Fritos pays tithe to Seventh-day Adventist Church as thanks for haystacks business

PLANO, Tex. — Frito-Lay announced this morning that it had commenced paying a ten percent tithe to the Seventh-day Adventist Church on net revenue from sales of its popular Fritos corn chips. The Read more […]

Pacific Union College becomes first Adventist school to open a KFC

ANGWIN, Calif. — In an emotional ribbon cutting ceremony, a large crowd of Pacific Union College faculty, staff and even students that had returned to campus early, celebrated the opening of Read more […]