Loma Linda residents furious as area code changes to (666)

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Livid Loma Linda residents have taken to the streets of the typically tranquil city in Southern California’s San Bernardino County. The cause for the uproar: news that the Read more […]

Adventist headquarters to move to undisclosed cave if Trump wins

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Senior leaders at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists are reviewing a list of secret locations to which staff and day-to-day operations could relocate if real Read more […]

Obama nominates Adventist Senate Chaplain Barry Black to Supreme Court

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama has nominated Rear Admiral Barry Black, U.S. Senate Chaplain, to the US Supreme Court. If confimed by the Senate, Black would replace recently deceased Read more […]

Adventist evangelist: Nobody is going anywhere until one more responds to altar call

BREAKING NEWS Marietta, Ga. — Today’s evangelistic campaign crowd in downtown Marietta, Ga. has been notified that everyone will be staying put until at least one more brave soul comes up Read more […]

General Conference on global warming: it’s all going to burn anyway

  SILVER SPRING, Md. — Environmentally-conscious Adventists were shocked today as the General Conference released a statement on global warming stating that “environmental conservation Read more […]

Marvel Studios to adapt The Great Controversy for film

BURBANK, Calif. — Marvel Studios, renowned worldwide for multiple, billion dollar Marvel Comics character film franchises, has announced their intention to create a film adaptation of Ellen Read more […]

Microchips implanted in church employee foreheads, hands

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “The process of implanting microchips in all full-time church employees is under way,” announced Larissa Lim, General Conference IT Innovations Director at the 2015 Read more […]

Pope gets impromptu medical checkup at Manila Adventist Medical Center

MANILA, Philippines — Still acclimating to the heat and humidity after his arrival in the Philippines, Pope Francis paid a quick visit to Manila Adventist Medical Center (better known as Read more […]

Miniskirt on Nebuchadnezzar statue prompts mass exodus from prophecy seminar

OXFORD, Mich. — Hundreds of Adventists stormed out of evangelist Steve Darmondy’s prophecy seminar held at Maple Lane Adventist Church last night. The exit was prompted by what several attendees Read more […]