Search committee sets up Danish accent auditions for Andrews presidency candidates

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Pushy Adventist headhunters have been barging into Copenhagen’s cafe church, a string of church offices and other hotspots of Adventist Denmark trying to find a replacement Read more […]

Andrews Seminary Greek center flat broke, seeks emergency bailout

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Despite years of devastating austerity measures and spartan living, leaders at the Greek Manuscript Research Center of Andrews University’s Seventh-day Adventist Theological Read more […]

Andrews Financial Aid Office overwhelmed after overspending at International Food Fair

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Hundreds of students were seen standing in line outside the Andrews University Financial Aid Office this morning. The cause of the pile-up is what Financial Aid Read more […]

Andrews dairy ordered to destroy new golden calf statue

Berrien Springs, Mich. — Mere weeks after the construction of a “golden” calf statue outside the offices of the Andrews University dairy, the department has received orders to destroy Read more […]

Andrews students devastated that their mystery Valentine’s package came from Campus Ministries

A box of disappointment… BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — By mid-afternoon today, hundreds of Andrews University students had left bitter Valentine’s Day messages on Campus Ministries Department Read more […]

Female undergrad takes shortcut through Andrews seminary building, exits engaged

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Sarah Parker, a Junior Biology major at Andrews University officially changed her Facebook status from “Single” to “Engaged” this morning after a different walking route Read more […]

Fireworks canceled due to farting cows at Andrews dairy farm

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Thousands of Berrien Springs residents are heading into 2015 with disappointment in their hearts as a major Andrews University-based fireworks show was canceled Read more […]

Pioneer Memorial Church fires Baby Jesus nativity actor

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Mere weeks before the start of a punishing performance schedule, nativity play organizers at Pioneer Memorial Church have made the difficult decision to fire the Read more […]

Freezing Andrews students frantically apply for missions posts

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — The Student Missions office at Andrews University has been a hub of frenzied activity over the last 48 hours. Office staff are reporting “stratospheric” levels Read more […]

Open cattle grazing on Andrews campus scheduled to start this fall semester

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — The campus of Andrews University is about to experience more than the occasional whiff off the dairy farm currently situated in the northwestern corner of the university’s Read more […]