Southern’s Village Market bankrupt after disappointing Valentine’s carob sales

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University’s Village Market has declared bankruptcy after failing to sell any of its Valentine’s carob inventory. Despite starting to advertise the product Read more […]

Southern student with box of Valentine’s carobs still hasn’t found a banquet date

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — As of early Friday morning, February 13th, Junior Chemistry major Fred Land reported still not having secured a date for tomorrow night’s Southern Adventist University Read more […]

GC Announces Historic Starbucks Agreement for San Antonio Session

SILVER SPRING, Md. — There will be coffee at the San Antonio General Conference this summer. Kind of. General Conference Health Ministries Director, Sam Rigby, announced an agreement Read more […]

Study: Carob eaters face a long, cruel existence

Life without chocolate is nasty, brutish and long… LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Researchers behind a 30-year study tracking the health of self-confessed carob eaters report that consumption of Read more […]

Biblical Research Institute: Carob in violation of 9th Commandment

TAKOMA PARK, Md. — In a landmark ruling for what many are calling the Supreme Court of the Adventist Church, the Biblical Research Institute has ruled that current advertising for carob products Read more […]