Dwight Nelson Enforcing PMC Social Distancing With Lightsaber

Berrien Springs, Mich. – Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor and acclaimed swordsman Dwight Nelson has laid down the law for his congregation: Anyone that ignores PMC social distancing protocol Read more […]

Dwight Nelson Takes Over As ‘Jeopardy!’ Host

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. —- Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor Dwight Nelson, confirmed today that he would be taking on a “sideline” as host of ‘Jeopardy!’ Nelson, who will continue Read more […]

Nelson’s salary slashed for suggesting shorter sermons in Adventism

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — One of the best known evangelists in Seventh-day Adventism has seen his salary slashed by 50 percent for suggesting that sermon times in the denomination should clock Read more […]

Dwight Nelson declared missing person, last seen playing Pokémon GO

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Police officials declared Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor Dwight Nelson missing this morning. The well-known Adventist evangelist was last seen playing Pokémon Read more […]

Batchelor v Nelson Preach-Off scheduled for Batman v Superman opening night

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — The first-ever Preach-Off between veteran Adventist evangelists, Dwight Nelson and Doug Batchelor, has been scheduled to coincide with the March 25 box office opening of Read more […]

Yelp claims Dwight Nelson’s jokes are funnier by second service

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Ratings and reviews company Yelp has begun allowing parishioners to grade their ministers on their performance in the pulpit. The overall consensus in Berrien Springs, Read more […]

Dwight Nelson calls Donald Trump’s hair/presidential announcement “sign of the times”

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Pioneer Memorial Church Senior Pastor Dr. Dwight K Nelson launched a scathing rebuke of real estate and entertainment mogul Donald Trump’s presidential campaign announcement Read more […]

Dwight Nelson gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — In a definite first for Adventist evangelists, Dr. Dwight K. Nelson is to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Andrews University-based Senior Pastor of Read more […]