Adventist evangelist resorts to drive-by baptisms

SEATTLE, Wash. — Adventist evangelist Duncan Good has reported a record number of baptisms this year. He credits uncoventional, out-of-the-box thinking and an abundance of roadside puddles Read more […]

Adventist evangelists ordered to stop using revolving doors to boost baptismal tallies

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a push to retain new members, the Adventist Church has ordered its evangelists to stop using revolving doors in campaigns held around the world. While prized the Read more […]

Adventist Church hires first Director of Friendship Evangelism

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Citing an urgent need to “start somewhere,” General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have hired a somber feline by the name of Grumps as the first Read more […]

Adventist grandma arrested for “graffiti evangelism”

KEENE, Texas — Retired Southwestern Adventist University Communications Director Ventista Banxie was arrested this morning while spray-painting an abandoned building. Despite the long-time Read more […]

Confused Adventist thinks seeking the lost means finding Waldo

HONOLULU, Hawaii — Since his pastor encouraged the congregation to seek the lost last Sabbath, over earnest Adventist Skru Messinge has purchased three Waldo books at his local Barnes & Read more […]

Landfills beg Adventists to stop carpeting cities with free Great Controversy paperbacks

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Waste management authorities in cities across the country have joined voices to formally implore the General Conference to stop mass distribution of free copies of the Adventist Read more […]

Philippine President Duterte tells Adventists to evangelize South China Sea

MANILA, Philippines — In a statement this morning, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte encouraged Seventh-Day Adventists in his country to evangelize islands in the South China Sea. The president Read more […]