BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A lifelong Adventist who moved to Berrien Springs years ago has refused to transfer his membership to a local church. Instead, Jack Jumpur has opted to church hop Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A database has been created to track Cheapventists (Adventists known at their local churches for attending potluck without contributing their own dishes.) Since word Read more […]
CULVER CITY, Calif. — Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has decided to add a new show to his current filming schedule. The new series will be called Heaven’s Kitchen and will attempt to single out Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Leading Adventist nutritionists are reminding Adventists that burnt offerings are “no longer a thing” and should not make appearances at Sabbath potlucks. “Do not try Read more […]
MARIETTA, Ga. — A full scale riot has erupted at Marietta Central Adventist Church following a last-minute announcement from Senior Pastor, Des Graciado, that potluck this Sabbath had been canceled. Reports Read more […]
SPRINGFIELD, USA — Homer Simpson is now a Seventh-day Adventist. His new-found religious identity will be unveiled in the long-running show’s 28th season set to debut this fall. Much to the Read more […]
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Lifelong Adventist and faithful potluck contributor Chip Skeete was disfellowshipped from Collegedale Church after church elders discovered Rice Krispies in the Special Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists released an update of its list of official sins. The list, which featured such sins as “opening your eyes during prayer,” Read more […]
CHICO, Calif. — Sondage Mauvais of Chico Seventh-day Adventist Church was notified this week that due to the horrible scores on his spiritual gifts test, he has been assigned to doing the dishes Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church released a Potluck Finder app today, aimed at streamlining the church visitation experience. The app allows baptized Seventh-day Adventist Read more […]
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