Congregation Perks Up As Soon as Pastor Sheds Weekly Sermon Tears

Pastor Terry Aise, a man whose booming voice could rival a foghorn on a foggy day, roared into his third point. Flowing River SDA vibrated with the usual Sabbath symphony: creaking fans, the rhythmic Read more […]

Congregation Faces Existential Crisis as Pastor Transcends Noon Sermon Limit

Bumbleton, Iowa – December 28, 2023 – The devoted assembly at Uptite Seventh-day Adventist Church, celebrated for its unwavering programming precision and steadfast Sabbath rituals, was thrust Read more […]

God Wondering if Pastor Almost Done With Sermon

Pastor Perkins’ Sabbath sermon, a meandering odyssey through the Book of Numbers, had long ago passed the point of diminishing returns. Up in the heavens, God yawned. He’d heard this particular Read more […]

Congregation Sure Pastor Just Adlibbed Entire Sermon

Members of Windy Road SDA silently took to texting each other 35 minutes into their pastor’s sermon this Sabbath as it became painfully clear that he hadn’t done an ounce of prep for his remarks. Pastor Read more […]

Kid Optimistically Asks For Seventh Time if Sermon Almost Over

  At Droneville SDA young Timmy’s patience wore thin as the sermon dragged on for what felt like an eternity. Pastor Snoreworth’s droning was enough to test anyone’s resolve. Timmy Read more […]

Pastor In Love With Own Voice, Starting Podcast

The discouraging fact that Pastor Joseph Bleats of Droning Seventh-day Adventist church has a profound affection for the sound of his own voice became clearer than day last Sabbath. Bleats’, Read more […]

Congregation Wishes Overconfident Pastor Would Go Back to Using Sermon Notes

In an annoying display of pastoral self-assuredness, Pastor William “Windy” Williams of the Free Grace Adventist Church has proudly announced that he no longer needs to rely on sermon notes. While Read more […]

Youth Pastor Accuses Senior Pastor of Sermon Illustration Theft

Youth pastor Steven Green has come forward with claims that his senior pastor, Bear Grizzle has been shamelessly swiping his carefully crafted sermon illustrations for his own sermons. Sources Read more […]

Local Know-It-All Can’t Wait For Sermon To End So He Can Criticize It

READING, Calif. — Bruce Pendleton, a self-proclaimed biblical scholar, Sabbath School teacher, and renowned armchair theologian, arrived at church this Sabbath armed with an assortment of colored Read more […]