ADVENTIST WORLD — Wild-eyed conspiracy theorists running backwoods independent prophecy ministries from cabin studios across North America are running competing fundraisers to cash in on today’s Read more […]
FLORIDA — Expressing extreme frustration with the flatness of their home state, Floridian Adventists are leaving en masse for what they call “End Times reasons.” They blame the lack of mountains Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Adventist Church has been forced to halt one of its favorite witnessing activities after President Donald Trump banned distribution of copies of Ellen White’s The Great Read more […]
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Biblical prophecy experts from Southern Adventist University released a formal statement saying the Atlanta Falcons are prophesied to win the 2017 Super Bowl. “For the Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The latest addition to the time-honored tradition of White House pets will be an entirely new species described by President-Elect Donald Trump’s staffers as a “lamb-like Read more […]
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — Police in Silver Spring have pulled over a U-Haul full of North American Division leaders for speeding. Asked where they were going in such a rush at this Read more […]
BERKSHIRE, England — In a surprise visit hours before arriving in Scotland for the opening of the Trump Turnberry golf resort, Donald Trump toured the campus of Newbold College. Standing Read more […]
LONDON, United Kingdom — Already well-known for its Rolling Stones, the United Kingdom aimed a devastatingly effective projectile straight at the fragile feet of Nebuchadnezzar’s statue yesterday, Read more […]
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