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Archive for category "Prophecy"

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Category: Prophecy

Prophecy

Sharpie Used On Prophetic Chart

By sevvy September 10, 2019  #sharpiegate 1

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the second time in a week, it appears that Oval Office Sharpies have been used to alter illustrations. This time, a far more cheerful, pink color was used. And instead Read more […]

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Prophecy

Contractor Transforms Basements Into Time Of Trouble Bunkers

By sevvy August 8, 2019  Prep, remodeling, Time of Trouble 2

Mole Hill, Tenn. — Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in “luxury, prophecy-savvy design” is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, Read more […]

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Prophecy

Boris Johnson Vows To Fulfill Daniel Prophecy As PM

By sevvy July 23, 2019  Boris, prophetic toes 2

LONDON, England — Boris Johnson, Britain’s new Prime Minister, has committed to wasting no time in hastening the fulfillment of Daniel’s Nebuchadnezzar Statue prophecy in regards to modern-day Read more […]

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Prophecy

iPhone Designer Jony Ive Leaves Apple To Fix Adventist Prophetic Charts

By sevvy June 27, 2019  Adventist art, Daniel, Illustrations, Revelation 0

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Sir Jony Ive, the famed designer of the iMac, the iPod and the iPhone, is leaving Apple after decades of service to, in his own words, “make Adventist prophetic charts less Read more […]

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Prophecy

Uber Adds “Flee to Hills” Button for Time of Trouble

By sevvy January 14, 2019  TOT, Uber 0

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — Ridesharing platform Uber has added a “flee to the hills” button for Adventist customers aiming to escape the Time of Trouble. The firm’s leadership said that the button Read more […]

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Liberals, Prophecy

Liberal Adventist Can’t Find Revelation

By sevvy November 5, 2018  Liberals, losing face, Scripture Hunt 3

Loma Linda, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Al Riverside, has spent the last fifteen minutes at his small group meeting hunting for the book of Revelation in his freshly dusted-off paraphrase of Read more […]

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Prophecy

White Estate: Spirit of Prophecy Does Not Contain World Cup Predictions

By sevvy July 3, 2018  bets, just don't, predictions 2

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a warning to amateur church historians, the White Estate has issued a statement saying that Ellen White’s writings contain absolutely no predictions about the winner Read more […]

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Prophecy

Adventist Review rates running shoes for End Times escape effectiveness

By sevvy June 4, 2018  End Times sprinters, Just did it, Making haste 2

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The entire Adventist Review staff spent last weekend trying on running shoes for a new monthly rating system that ranks shoes for End Times escape effectiveness. The Read more […]

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Adventist entertainment, Prophecy

False prophets predicting Oscar winners

By sevvy March 4, 2018  Oscars, predictions, red carpet 3

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has sent out a special warning to its membership about false prophets that are predicting Oscar winners this year. “There Read more […]

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Prophecy

Smithsonian code breakers completely stumped by Adventist prophetic chart

By sevvy February 6, 2018  beasts of revelation, charts, symbols 3

WASHINGTON, D.C. — World-renowned cryptographers based at the Smithsonian Institution have admitted utter and complete defeat in deciphering an early Adventist prophetic chart. The code breakers Read more […]

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