Mole Hill, Tenn. — Stor Kallare, a licensed contractor with a specialty in “luxury, prophecy-savvy design” is currently over-booked transforming the basements of Adventists across the nation, Read more […]
LONDON, England — Boris Johnson, Britain’s new Prime Minister, has committed to wasting no time in hastening the fulfillment of Daniel’s Nebuchadnezzar Statue prophecy in regards to modern-day Read more […]
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Sir Jony Ive, the famed designer of the iMac, the iPod and the iPhone, is leaving Apple after decades of service to, in his own words, “make Adventist prophetic charts less Read more […]
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — Ridesharing platform Uber has added a “flee to the hills” button for Adventist customers aiming to escape the Time of Trouble. The firm’s leadership said that the button Read more […]
Loma Linda, Calif. — Liberal Adventist, Al Riverside, has spent the last fifteen minutes at his small group meeting hunting for the book of Revelation in his freshly dusted-off paraphrase of Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a warning to amateur church historians, the White Estate has issued a statement saying that Ellen White’s writings contain absolutely no predictions about the winner Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The entire Adventist Review staff spent last weekend trying on running shoes for a new monthly rating system that ranks shoes for End Times escape effectiveness. The Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has sent out a special warning to its membership about false prophets that are predicting Oscar winners this year. “There Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — World-renowned cryptographers based at the Smithsonian Institution have admitted utter and complete defeat in deciphering an early Adventist prophetic chart. The code breakers Read more […]
BREAKING NEWS SILVER SPRING, Md. — A discounted guide to the Mark of the Beast has gone on sale at Adventist Book Centers for $6.66. Adventist customers have been warned to get their copy Read more […]
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