ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist deacons across the denomination have been given the authority to drive out confirmed over-socializers with whips if they do not clear the sanctuary within 15 minutes of the Sabbath morning service ending. The new powers were green-lighted after decades of whining from stressed-out Adventist deacons complaining that they had not been given the correct tools to persuade chatty members to clear out. Deacons claim that traditional church emptying tactics like verbal warnings, cleaning duty threats and even the switching off of sanctuary lights have proved fruitless with Adventists determined to catch up with friends. Despite their new powers, deacons have been instructed to circle church socializers seven times before resorting to overturning pews and cracking the whip.
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