Desperate church choir director just looking for warm bodies for Christmas cantata

Please, can I have some more...
Please, can I have some more…
DEADLINE, Calif. — A frazzled Adventist church choir director has spent the last two weeks imploring members of his congregation to join the Christmas cantata choir.

Although he had initially held very high standards for potential choir members, Quese Canten is now admitting anyone with a halfway reliable pulse.

Canten has entirely discarded with the auditioning process and has practically been dragging unsuspecting church members to choir practice.

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“We need you even if you can’t carry a tune to save your life,” said Canten in a desperate midnight Facebook post on his church’s page, “if you can lip sync, we can arrange for the appropriate sound tracks to make things look legit.”

Canten is pushing for the declaration of a congregation-wide state of emergency to help grow his fledgling choir. Full of regret for having let himself be suckered into the position of choir director, Canten is begging his senior pastor to threaten to cancel potluck for a year unless more souls come forward to sing.


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4 Comments

  1. Hartmut W Sager

    Sevvy, your grammar sucks in the early morning before you’re fully awake. (No caffeinated coffee, huh?)

    1. “discarded with” should be either “discarded” (no “with”) or “dispensed with”.
    2. “Full or regret” should be “Full of regret”.

    There’s also practically no humour in this item. Are you that desperate for “click income”, or whatever?

    • Marvin L Robertson

      Sorry to say this is a very sad attempt at humor. Quoting one of the frequent lines from the very old radio comedy “Fibber McGee and Molly”…
      “t’ain’t funny McGee.”

  2. RicheeeRich

    SDA music people are a separate category all to themselves. Egotistical. Holier than thou. Non sociable. Hard to get along with the commoners. All they know is music and nothing else. Seems to be academically snootier than most . If you are not musical in any way, see yourself out the door. I have seen enough of this music group the past 75 years in SDA church. Too bad!

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