Ellen White action figure shoots to top of Adventist Christmas gift lists

Ellen White, re-imagined...
Ellen White, re-imagined…
Excited Adventists everywhere are ripping open carefully wrapped Christmas presents and according to real-time data available from the General Conference Department of Questionable Expenditure, the most gifted item this year is the first-ever Ellen G. White action figure.

Produced by the Ellen G. White Estate, an initial production run of 144,000 action figures of the Adventist cofounder has completely sold out and there is still stratospheric demand.

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“We never thought there would be this kind of interest in our action figure idea,” says White Estate spokesperson Elm Haven. “At best we thought some Sabbath School departments and elementary schools would want some.”

The action figure boxes feature a “re-imagined Ellen White wearing period-appropriate-yet-cheerful dress and also comes with a Bible, quill pen and writing desk so that Adventists young and old can more concretely imagine Mrs. White penning her many works,” said Haven.

He also mentioned that due to the huge level of interest in the action figures, Ellen White 2.0 would be released and would feature “a very resilient arm that can hold up ridiculously heavy family Bibles for impressive stretches of time.”

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31 Comments

  1. Jackie Gayken

    I fear we as Adventist are becoming much to attached to Ellen White. We have almost put her in the position as the Catholics do the Pope! This is so wrong.
    They both are human beings, and not to be worshiped!

  2. mavis

    This idea should be carefully reevaluated because it would harness the creeping in of idolatry and if she was to be alive she would not advise this act. Anyone who wants to know her more should read through her biography and read her books. Thats enough. Idolatry is creeping in by this idea. The devil is smart.

    • LaDonald Trumpette

      She was only a devotional writer, church administrator, and preacher, who held “ordained minister” credentials (and received the salary of an ordained minister after James passed away in 1887).

  3. Ray Kraft

    Why not have life size statues of Ellen G. White in all the Adventist churches? The Catholics have Mary, why can’t we have Ellen? Adventists have been idolizing Ellen G. White for more than a hundred years already!

    • Ben Carsinogen

      BB-8 was merely a cute little BB unit astromech droid. It would take at least 4 of them to earn an EGW action figure. But there’s a better kind of BB: a BB gun. I think everybody should have a gun–even thugs and gangsters. After all, somebody has to prevent Hitler from taking over.

      • Mark Train

        With less than six weeks left before voting begins in Iowa, Carson may join Jebra Bush, Bobby Gin-doll, and Carly Flouride as “wanna-be” candidates on the dunghill of political has-beens. Republican caucus-votes in Iowa now favor Ted Cruise-control and Trumpty-Dumpty. And of course, Trump favors Vladimir Pukin’.

  4. Elisha's Bears

    Adventist patriarchy fights against the feminine. For all it’s flaws Catholicism finds its (flawed) symbol in the Virgin Mary.

    Adventism at its core has, and always had, a love-hate relationship with the feminine and with empowerment of women.

    On a lighter note, the GC could make some other figurines. I think a line of rebel bikers on Harley Davidsons would go down well. The early Adventist make pioneers with their flowing beards and long hair – contemporarized with the Harley accessory would go be fun. Remembering that the dudes who started the show weren’t clean cut cardboard cut out cult leaders, but were status quo rocking and threatening scruffy radicals.

    • Elisha's Bears

      Adventist patriarchy fights against the feminine. For all it’s many flaws, Catholicism finds its (flawed) symbol in the Virgin Mary.

      Adventism at its core has, and always had, a love-hate relationship with the feminine and with empowerment of women.

      On a lighter note, the GC could make some other figurines. I think a line of rebel bikers on Harley Davidsons would go down well. The early Adventist male pioneers with their flowing beards and long hair – contemporarized with the Harley accessory would be fun and iconoclastic. Remembering that the dudes who started the show weren’t clean cut cardboard cutout cult leaders, but were status quo rocking and mainstream-threatening scruffy radicals!

      • Bill C.

        Hilarious Clinton announced that she will unleash her “not-so-secret weapon: Bill. In reality, the “not-so-secret” issue is that Hilary still has to lean on her husband to make it. So much for voting for a woman. It’s actually her husband who is running. Hilarious ran the country while Bill was busy chasing Monica, and now Bill will run the country while Hillary is busy making excuses for Benghazi and her illegal private e-mail server.

  5. Elisha's Bears

    We need some intergalactic war figurines and games as well. Would make for great kosher sabbath afternoon fun for the kiddies as an alternative to mine craft and dungeons and dragons, or Bible Basketball in the back yard. The Great Cosmic war could be replayed out in bedrooms, living rooms and iPads all over America.

    • Lil' Debbie

      “When will the Democrats, and Hillary in particular, say ‘we must build a wall, a great wall, and Mexico is going to pay for it?’ Never,” Trump tweeted on Christmas Day.

  6. Hilarious Clinton

    If they want a true action figure, and someone one’s almost as old as EGW, they should have gotten a Hillary doll. I have wanted to be President since before I was born. And I’m all action: my last vacation was in 1953. I played one round of hopscotch with a friend. I found it tedious. I mean, why hop when you can march straight to the White House?

  7. Ben Car-Sin

    No, the real action figure would have to be a Ben Carsinogen doll. I’m the only one who has mastered the art of looking sound asleep–almost anesthetized–while really being action-packed. After all, what other Adventist do you know, that can fit in a book sale / signing on a Friday night, with two political campaign speeches on a Sabbath? Trust me, I’m not sleep walking!

  8. Richard Mills

    All youse guys are way out in left field on this one. I propose a very small committee of three get together to produce a bunch of dolls(prototypes) and go before the guys on Shark Tank. Try to get start up money. Out source to China to be made inexpensive. Get Mattel toys to market to Toys R Us, Kohl’s, WalMart. The profits or prophets will be used to support our struggling church schools in N.A. As the market grows, introduce the bobble heads, talking dolls, changes of clothes, other great SDA’s(Dwight Nelson, Ted Wilson). Get ready for the 2020 GC for a complete sell out. I just might invest in this one. Don’t forget to patent all this stuff before I invest. I have a lawyer standing by. I have a friend in Nigeria willing to invest. Woe iz me!

  9. Gary

    You all do realize this story is not true? This website seems to believe it is funny to lie–they love to lie. …all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Revelation 21:8

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