LOMA LINDA, Calif. --- A worldwide study of the inner workings of the Adventist mind has discovered Ellen White quote generators embedded in the brains of every Adventist parent.
Loma Linda University researchers said that the EGW quote generators were surprisingly powerful for their size, supplying Adventist parents with an endless list of quotes from the Messenger.
Adventist parents have been able to use the quote generator in virtually any situation, to give their children and others bite-size instructions on everything from dress, to diet, to the grave challenges of bicycle ownership.
Lead researcher Libro Rojo said that one major flaw had been discovered in the quote generator.
"It is incapable of providing any historical context to the sayings," said Rojo. "Without context parents tend to pull out the oddest quotes and twist them to make Ellen White in their own image."