Miniskirt on Nebuchadnezzar statue prompts mass exodus from prophecy seminar

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OXFORD, Mich. — Hundreds of Adventists stormed out of evangelist Steve Darmondy’s prophecy seminar held at Maple Lane Adventist Church last night. The exit was prompted by what several attendees described as a miniskirt on Darmondy’s illustration of the statue from Nebuchadnezzar’s statue in Daniel 2.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Maple Lane Head Elder, Ernie McNevins. “After special music, Pastor Darmondy got up to speak and his first PowerPoint slide was of Nebuchadnezzar’s statue wearing the skimpiest skirt I’ve seen in years.”

McNevins said that within seconds of seeing the slide he grabbed his wife, shielded his young children’s eyes and headed for the back doors of the auditorium. “I am not going to sit around and watch as worldly dress creeps its way into the church,” said McNevins.

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Even church youth were confused by the statue illustration. Rebecca Dos Santos, a student at the local Junior Academy, said, “Every time I wear a skirt to church, I am scrutinized and asked to put my arms to my side, to make sure my fingertips don’t go past my hem. When I kneel to pray, I’d better not be showing any thigh. There’s no way any human wearing the skirt on that statue could have gotten past our church’s rigorous modesty standards.”

Responding to the controversy, Pastor Darmondy expressed his surprise at the reaction of the seminar attendees. “I just don’t understand,” he said. “I’ve used this banner for every seminar I’ve preached since the mid-80’s. If anything, I’d think people would complain that I’m being unoriginal. But inappropriate? I think our churches have become hypersensitive in recent years.”

Special thanks to Zachary Payne for the guest post.


20 Comments

  1. Healthy Adventist

    Hahahahahahaha funniest thing I’ve read in a while! I’ve thought that so many times! Not fair that he can wear miniskirts and we can’t! If this were true, I’d die. Hehe.

  2. Richard Mills

    Methinks Nebuchadnezzar would have been a Scot, wearing a kilt! Could he have been a transgender Babylonian? When you knelt down, you’d better not raise your head! Might be in for a surprise!! Woe is me!!

  3. Steve Darm O'Dee

    My father, Hiram Gordon O’Darmondy, was the model for that image when he was a young man and student at Union College. The skirt was his boyhood kilt from Ireland. It barely fit but he was determined to show the legs of iron and clay as is properly needed to follow the Biblical interpretation.

  4. Rob

    It appears we have overlooked this important feature of the statue in determining prophecy. This may just well be THE sign of the end we’ve been looking for. All this time we’ve started top to bottom when we should have been looking UP all along!

  5. Good satire!! I can see why the site is called “BarelyAdventist” – because it most certainly doesn’t represent Seventh-day Adventists! This depiction of the image of Daniel 2 has been used for decades with no up-rise – pun intended! Someone has some explaining to do.

  6. For those who do not get it, satire is a way of revealing a truth and revolutionizing new thought. This is not about a fictitious speaker not about a fictitious Church, it is about letting trivial non important matters hijack us from seeing the big picture, The story the statue tells is so under-appreciated and not even known by so many. This story has given me courage that the Bible is what it claims to be. This story provides something to a persons faith that no other non-christian religion, as good as they can be for day to day life, can offer. It reveals the sure word of prophecy. Do people do similar things with other great truth of the Bible? Most defiantly..

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