Forest Lake Academy banquet doubles as mass wedding

Some FLA seniors opted out of the mass wedding...
Some FLA seniors opted out of the mass wedding…
APOPKA, Fla. — “Forest Lake Academy appears to have begun the process of chipping away at the Adventist wedding market currently dominated by the likes of Southern and Walla Walla,” commented North American Division Education Department spokesperson Deena Casada.

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The education official’s comments came in response to news from Forest Lake Academy that last night’s Junior/Senior Banquet had been a front for a mass wedding of 20 FLA seniors. Due to the fact that each of the grooms and brides had already turned 18, FLA Class Spokesperson Gladden Hitch said that the school had decided to honor their wedding wishes.

“We went back and forth for several weeks on whether or not to go ahead with the banquet/wedding,” said Hitch. “In the end everyone seemed to agree that the whole point of our academy banquets is to promote healthy, Christian romance. What better way to celebrate true love than a mass wedding so close to graduation?”

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Anticipating critics’ arguments, Hitch described last night’s ceremony as “beautiful and heartfelt.” Hitch emphasized that the school was not condoning an irresponsible approach to marriage and that early weddings “have always been a thing” in Adventism. “Ellen White herself got married at 17,” said Hitch, “So, if anything, we played it safe.”


  1. Deena “Casada” and Gladden “Hitch”? Clever matrimonial names, sevvy.

    I wish the young couples all the matrimonial bliss their little hearts deserve. Let’s be glad that it won’t turn out like poor Jane, who came home from a date looking sad. “George proposed to me an hour ago,” she told her mother. “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked. So Jane had to explain: “Because he also told me he is an atheist. He doesn’t even believe in Heaven or H-ll.” Her mother immediately said, “Marry him anyway. In the honeymoon you’ll show him how wrong he is about the former. Then, between the two of us, for the rest of his life we’ll show him how wrong he is about the latter.”

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