GC Requires Wedding Bands, Admits Ringless Marriages “Super Confusing”

SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In the biggest reversal in church policy since, well, EVER, the GC is now requiring married Adventists to wear wedding bands.

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"Although we won't be opening jewellery sections in any ABC stores just yet, we ask baptised married couples to wear wedding rings to make clear that they are off the market," said part of the new directive. "Single Adventists are having hard enough a time scoping out eligible dates as it is. Ringless marriages are super confusing."

The statement added that while wedding bands need not be expensive, members were advised to "steer clear of the vending machine variety as they can leave a permanent, green tattoo on your finger which will never be OK."


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One Comment

  1. Joe

    In May, 1980, I was in No. Idaho helping a friend build his house, in the backwoods, when Mt. St. Helens erupted about 300 miles to the SW – I was alone, mid morning, laying block for a foundation, & didn’t have any knowledge of what had happened, when the sky darkened & as I looked up, the sun was a dark green – My first thought was of the Second Coming, having spent my 1st 20 years as an SDA in their schools, but I thought I’d ‘stay busy’ until He got here, so kept mud daubing – As it turned out , He didn’t show, but I noticed, later, that I had not headed for the mountains, pleading for the rocks to fall on me –

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