SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference released what it called a "grave greeting" this morning wishing Adventists everywhere a "Compliant 2019." The e-card greeting linked to "helpful guidance" from an ever-growing list of compliance committees covering everything from veggie lasagna recipes to how many times Sabbath morning special numbers should be practiced before going live (seven, of course.) In addition, a database of the entire Adventist membership was released with a "compliance score" for each baptized Adventist. Particularly bad scores were accompanied by explanatory notes which were especially scathing in their critique of members that snore in church.