SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a surprise announcement this morning, the General Conference Communications Department announced that as of this summer all General Conference offices would be moving to Brazil.
"At first we were just planning on sending a team of senior church officials to attend and evangelize the World Cup but then we started thinking about the possibilities," said GC President Ted Wilson, wearing a straw hat and sipping something from a coconut at a press conference.
"For starters, Brazil has way better weather than Maryland. Last winter was brutal," said Wilson. "But even more importantly, there are actually more Adventists in Brazil than there are here and the tithing numbers from the South American Division are about to beat ours. Better to move all the decision making to Brazil while we still have a choice."
Standing tall in front of a huge banner that read "It's better in Brazil," Wilson went on to answer questions about the move.
In response to a question about the difference between Brazilian and US Adventists, Wilson said that Brazilian Adventists are more active and less likely to cause a fuss about women's ordination. "Plus they've got better tans," he quipped.
"Look at it like this way: this is a baby step in an inevitable direction. I mean at this rate my replacement will be a Brazilian."