SAN ANTONIO, Texas --- Panicked shrieks and an as-of-yet unconfirmed tally of fall injuries greeted a vote by stone-cold General Conference Session delegates to crown Special K Loaf as the "only true Adventist staple." Fans of the popular taco salad dish known as "haystacks" to Adventists were unable to contain their devastation, many making no attempt to hide the tears streaming down their faces as delegates from around the world held up yellow cards in support of Special K Loaf as the only potluck item to be sanctioned as the world church's signature dish.
"The whole reason I flew my whole family over to San Antonio was to be here for this vote," said a distraught Chip Scalsaugh from Berrien Springs, Mich. "I thought for sure the delegates would have the presence of mind to realize that haystacks are the only right choice to define Adventist dining." Scalsaugh said that he now sorely regrets dropping $10,000 on tickets, hotel and dining for his family of four to attend the GC Session.
Church leaders have urged members to "see the big picture" and resist the temptation to over-react to today's controversial vote. "Contrary to the belief of a few hotheads around here, this is not the time to form a splinter Seventh-day Haystack denomination," said North American Division spokesperson, Cummon Pepples. "We are a global church and some votes are simply not going to go your way. This is San Antonio: Cowboy up and deal with it."
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