La Sierra voted #1 party school in the United States

One of many highly successful social events this year....
One of many highly successful social events this year….
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — For the first time in history, an Adventist institution has been nationally recognized as a top party school.  The magazine Rolling Stone has released its annual list of US party schools and, to the shock of students, faculty and alumni of La Sierra University, the institution was listed as #1 in the United States.

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The news drew instant reactions across campus.  “Administration’s initial reaction was one of panic,” said a source with insider knowledge into the handling of the news.  “They immediately called Rolling Stone to insist that there must have been a mistake but the magazine confirmed that La Sierra had legitimately earned the award.”

La Sierra’s Legal Counsel requested a detailed explanation for the criteria that Rolling Stone used to order its ranking but the publication refused to provide it, saying that they had a “proprietary algorithm to determine matters of such importance”.

Student reaction has been quite different.  “This is the proudest day of my life,” said Student Vice President of Social Affairs, Lorena Perla.  “Our parties were off the chain this year.  Whether on campus or on the beach, no other school can touch us when it comes to having an awesome time!”

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“This proves that even if we are located in the armpit of California, we still bring the party,” said sophomore business major, Fred Lancaster.

To further complicate matters, the university has been flooded with applications for next school year based on the news.  Administration is in the uncomfortable position of having to decide whether to officially ignore the award or to use it in marketing material.


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32 Comments

  1. The headline itself is hard to believe. The lack of sources (please provide link to the alleged Rolling Stone list of party schools ?) makes it look even more like a hoax. I am also curious to see what the criteria was, and what other schools made the top 10.

  2. Randal R. Wisbey

    Hahahaha I attended this college for 2 years (2012-2013)… let me tell you this article is a straight JOKE. I’m a pretty social person so I knew of the parties that were around the Riverside area… and these parties were WEAK… All dudes mostly, girls were pretty cute because they had money but not easy. Barely any REAL school events, required chapel every Thursday, and the sports teams were average… BUT the education I received was top notch. You’re retarded if you think this is a serious article lol. Attend UCR if you want to party.

  3. Jess

    “BarelyAdventist is a satirical blog on Adventist culture and issues. It is written by committed Adventists that have no interest in tearing down the church. (We, however, are not endorsed by the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. Go figure.) The whole point is to help the Adventist faith community grow through conversation and humor in a way that does not* involve over-earnest soap boxing or angry rants.”

    Found this on the About BarelyAdventist page of this website.

  4. gabucho

    Haha this is funny, every one who has attended this school knows that there are no parties at this school, and if they do, they are the lamest! LOL haha good job on this joke!

  5. What is missed in this conversation is the fact that there is nothing inherently evil about a party per se ; the Christian Crede is not puritanical , and the bible is not a narrative about people living perfect lives , rather it is a story of God’s plan to redeem sinners which includes everyone that breathes , including party-goers of all stripes ! Calm down !

  6. Scott

    I don’t remember exactly which year, sometime between 1999 and 2004, Princeton Review listed a different Adventist school, Union College in Lincoln, Nebraska, as the biggest hard liquor drinking school in the nation. It was a misprint; they meant to write Union College in Barboursville, Kentucky. For those of us attending Union at the time, it was absolutely hilarious to think of our little, very sober, school earning such a distinction. I believe they printed a retraction.

  7. Pak

    Guys, its a deceive…look at the website name and that’s the whole purpose of it.
    The school itself is relatively small! How on earth it has more vote than those other school with 30,000 plus students? Wake up man!

    • Dave

      That was my point. This is a satire site, though I don’t see what value that is. There are those who say we should lighten up and laugh at ourselves a bit. For people with such a serious mission, is there really value in not taking ourselves seriously?

  8. Grt8fulmom

    Some will think that by having amusements here we will gain more influence. But what we want is to go steadily forward, with our hands firmly holding the divine promises, believing that Christ will lead and guide and bless, and place a heavenly stamp upon our work. Do not feel that there is not enough in all that we have to do in this place for Christ and heaven, and that you must reach out for some amusement outside of your God-given work. Do not do it; for this will not harmonize with Christ’s example. Stand solidly for God. Tell the students, Here we have Riverside and other places. If you want to do a good work, take our publications, and carry them to these places. Hold meetings, and let the people see that you have a living connection with heaven. – {PC 5:172.3}

    If you are a child of God, your prayers, and your work to strengthen and build up will have an influence, and God will bestow His blessing upon you. We need not feel that we must provide amusements to gratify the desires of some who come in here hoping to attract attention to themselves. It would be better that such ones should go elsewhere. We are here to give the last message of warning to a perishing world, and every jot of our influence is to be consecrated to God. It is not His will that frivolous, unsanctified amusements shall be instituted here. We have a heaven to win, a hell to shun; let us work solidly in behalf of ourselves and others for eternal life in the kingdom of God. – {PC 5:172.4}

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