Loma Linda centenarian hired by local police department

Greenley, a local hero...
Greenley, a local hero…
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Edith Greenley, the 110-year-old Adventist Loma Linda resident who shot to international fame earlier this year for sending a would-be mugger to the hospital, has been hired by the Loma Linda Police Department. In late April, the centenarian was cornered in a grocery store parking lot by a young mugger who she subdued by a viscous swing of her shopping bag.

“Edith’s courageous defense against her attacker made her a local hero and caused a dramatic reduction in local incidents of mugging and petty theft,” said Loma Linda Police Chief Randy Adams. “We have hired her to use her street smarts and extensive social network to recruit volunteer community safety officers to patrol our streets.

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After her hiring, Officer Greenley wasted no time in forming a crew of several dozen retiree volunteers from her church’s Dorcas sorters, her knitting circle and the Loma Linda King’s Heralds fan club.

Greenley’s volunteers roam the streets in packs of 10 or more, wielding robust canes and pushing walkers filled with canned vegetarian products which they launch without hesitation at anyone they suspect of disturbing the peace.

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Loma Linda residents have been on their best behavior since Greenley’s crew has hit the streets. “It’s slightly surreal,” said Loma Linda dentistry student, Fred Keeter. “Overnight Loma Linda has become the safest town in California. Nobody messes with the Walker Patrol.”


One Comment

  1. Richard Mills

    Send Grammy Greenley & friends to the hoods of NYC. Commissioner Bratton would welcome them with open arms. Grammy Greenley could also train local SDA’s via the Community Services Department and receive a bonafide certification. How about a Pathfinder Honor badge? Greenley’s Guardian Angels could be used in the local church boards to dispel confontations. Even at the local conference constituency meetings!! Will they be at the next GC to maintain order?
    What does the Bible say about a cantankerous woman? Woe is me!!

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