Loma Linda OK with taking arm and leg as tuition


LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Ever the innovators, financial administrators of Loma Linda University School of Medicine have decided to help students struggling to pay their tuition in exchange for the donation of the broke student’s least favorite arm and leg.

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“We get it, med school can be expensive and not everyone is able or willing to apply for student loans,” said Student Finance Representative Plata Ahora. “At Loma Linda we want to work with our students to find ways to make medical school more affordable while ensuring that our labs are well stocked with practice material.”

Given the exchange of actual limbs for tuition money, Ahora says that the medical school’s marketers have discarded typical fiancial-aid speak about giving students “a leg up” or “a helping hand.” Ahora shared that the marketers themselves admit that “the mechanics of the arrangement quite clearly mandate that we do the opposite.”


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  1. Not only will these body parts be great for dissection in the gross anatomy lab, the donation process itself will provide wonderful amputation practice for the LLU surgical residents. It’s a win-win situation! :)

    I like the name of the student finance representative, “Plata Ahora.” It’s nice that students have a way to get “silver now.” They could also try pawning their gold-capped teeth and any jewelry that they are hiding in their dorm rooms.

    For the unwary, please note the disclaimer on this site’s “About” page: “BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.”

    “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report’ are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

  2. John H. Kellogg

    This report gives new meaning to the old adage about medical school tuition costing “an arm and a leg.” A recent alumna of Loma Linda said she graduated with over $300,000 in student loan debt and will be paying on that debt for the rest of her life. In some parts of the country, the average primary care physician makes $120,000 per year while working 60 to 80 hours a week and bearing lots of overhead expenses and student loans. Anyone who wants to be a doctor to get rich, should plan to become a sub-specialist (or a celebrity like Dr. Oz).

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