LANSING, Mich. --- Never a conference to shy away from taking a hard line on controversial issues, the Michigan Conference has officially banned sex on Sabbath among its membership. "Not only is sex clearly doing your own pleasure but, quite frankly, it can be real work," said conference spokesperson Frank Frigid. "That's a double whammy of inappropriate in our book.
"We have decided that it is high time someone took a position on this issue in a decisive manner," said Frigid. "As far as the Michigan Conference is concerned, you have six days to take care of business but the Sabbath is a day for Brussels sprouts and measured conversation."
In addition, Frigid said that he urged Adventists in Michigan to rediscover the simple pleasures of tranquil bird watching or tract distribution. "These staple Adventist pastimes aren't going to happen if our members are consumed with lay activities in their bedrooms on Sabbath afternoon, or worse yet, during Sabbath School," he said.
As news of the conference decision spread, untold numbers of Adventist Michiganders planned trips across state lines for the weekend.
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