GLENDALE, Ariz. — In a major shake-up for Superbowl Sunday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has just announced that the winning team’s players will be awarded watches this year instead of Super Bowl rings.
Commissioner Goodell who recently converted to Adventism said that rings “are far too blingy” and that, in a bid to curb NFL spending on vain adornment, he was axing the sports jewelry this year. So far, no player on either the New England Patriots or the Seattle Seahawks side of the match-up has expressed much enthusiasm about Goodell’s announcement.
Goodell has attempted to be conciliatory by saying that the Vince Lombardi Trophy will still be given to the winning team since he has not yet found an appropriate replacement award. He stressed that even this external status symbol was “in the balance” going forward.
The commissioner has faced a storm of criticism for his decision to impose his newfound dress and accessory standards on athletes and fans. “Not only is it wrong to subject others to your convictions about modesty, it also makes for spectacularly bad TV,” said an ESPN sportscaster, Chris Berman. “Over 100 million watching fans are expecting a huge trophy and medals, not little watch boxes.”
“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said Commissioner Goodell, “People tend to forget that am awful lot can be said with the right watch.”
Special thanks to Ray Daugherty for the story