NFL Commissioner Converts to Adventism, Super Bowl Champs to Receive Watches

These Super Bowl rings are all history...
These Super Bowl rings are all history…
GLENDALE, Ariz. — In a major shake-up for Superbowl Sunday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has just announced that the winning team’s players will be awarded watches this year instead of Super Bowl rings.

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Commissioner Goodell who recently converted to Adventism said that rings “are far too blingy” and that, in a bid to curb NFL spending on vain adornment, he was axing the sports jewelry this year. So far, no player on either the New England Patriots or the Seattle Seahawks side of the match-up has expressed much enthusiasm about Goodell’s announcement.

Goodell has attempted to be conciliatory by saying that the Vince Lombardi Trophy will still be given to the winning team since he has not yet found an appropriate replacement award. He stressed that even this external status symbol was “in the balance” going forward.

The commissioner has faced a storm of criticism for his decision to impose his newfound dress and accessory standards on athletes and fans. “Not only is it wrong to subject others to your convictions about modesty, it also makes for spectacularly bad TV,” said an ESPN sportscaster, Chris Berman. “Over 100 million watching fans are expecting a huge trophy and medals, not little watch boxes.”

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“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” said Commissioner Goodell, “People tend to forget that am awful lot can be said with the right watch.”

Special thanks to Ray Daugherty for the story


15 Comments

  1. Richard Mills

    Joseph wore a ring. Moses wore a ring. King Solomon wore a ring. Daniel wore a ring. King Herod wore a ring. I see many pastors & spouses wearing rings What’s the big deal? I hope Goodell didn’t “inflate” any costs!! Call this “Adventistringgate”!! Woe is me!

    • Ardis

      Of ourse the wore rings, the had a purpose back then. They had a purpose! Their ring signified their authority! But do you ALSO remember when God asked them to take off al their jewelry, so the could come close to Hom and worship Him? I believe that is where we are today! We need to remove our jewelry, so that we come close to Him, and worship Him Who made heaven and earth! I KNOW when ever I have attempted to try wearing it, my mind IMMEDIATELY, went to “wow! I look pretty nice in this”! The operative wot here “I”! It took my mind off of God and put it on myself! People don’t think they can look good, just the way God created! They think God needs THEIR help! For myself, I would rather trust God in His design for me, and spend the time and money He has given me, learning of Hom, and spreading His gospel story!

    • Don’t you know that jewelry is OK as long as it does not touch the skin (and there’s even an exception to that rule, for watches)? The most expensive, glittery brooch is fine because it is pinned to your blouse instead of your ears. And the most expensive, showy watch is OK because it is “functional.” Rumor has it that the Review and Herald has a new line of jewelry coming out this fall, which will feature earrings, necklaces, and anklets with tiny watch faces so they qualify as “functional.” :)

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