Nuclear weapon unveiled in GC auditorium ahead of Annual Council

Unveiled.
Unveiled.
SILVER SPRING, Md. — On the eve of Annual Council, church officials have unveiled a nuclear weapon on the stage of the GC auditorium.

As a white sheet was pulled off the warhead, officials attempted to calm shocked onlookers saying that it was “merely a preventative measure” to make sure things didn’t get out of hand during the week of meetings.

“We are a bunch of pacifists who wouldn’t dream of using this thing under any normal circumstances,” said Drastic Measures Secretary, Doss Knott. “But since we’ve got some sensitive stuff to talk about this year we thought a little leverage wouldn’t hurt.”

All kidding aside, click to learn more about Union College

Knott promised nothing bad would happen as long as the rebel unions learned to play nice in the sandbox.

“Our goal is to keep Annual Council as boring as it always is,” said Knott. “If the trouble children behave those launch codes will remain untouched on the third floor.”

Sponsored by Adventist BNB. Short term home or room rentals by Adventists for Adventists.


Advertise on BarelyAdventist

SPONSORED LINKS

You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Check out the Sonscreen Film Festival!

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com

.

4 Comments

  1. Kim Jong-Ted (Kim Jong Wilson)

    I will not stop at anything, until everyone thinks just like me. Any hint of dissent, and you will be banished to the labor camps of door-to-door Ingathering. “Unity” at any cost! (Even at the cost of conscience or liberty!)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *