Old Floridian Adventists lobby National Geographic for a feature article

Matilda Baker at this year's Florida Hospital Ping Pong Tournament
Matilda Baker at this year’s Florida Hospital Ping-Pong Tournament
ORLANDO, Fla. — A band of Florida Hospital-based Adventist centenarians have launched a campaign titled We’re Old Too. ┬áThe campaign is aimed at convincing National Geographic to feature them in a cover story on living longer.

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“We think it’s high time the world saw that we are every bit as healthy and old as those turkeys in Loma Linda that got all the press a few years back,” said We’re Old Too (WOT) President, Francis Pendleton, referencing a 2005 National Geographic article titled The Secrets of Long Life. The piece catapulted Loma Linda-based Adventists to fame and, in Pendleton’s words, featured local centenarians “getting all uppity.”

“Loma Linda centenarians think they’re so special now,” said WOT member Matilda Baker, tapping her cane impatiently. “Well we are every bit as ancient and have had to put up with a whole lot more with the humidity and gators down here. Our years should count for more!”

As a credibility indicator, Baker insisted that she was a grandmother when the King’s Heralds released their debut album. “Beat that, Loma Linda!” said Baker waving the record defiantly.

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“We have all written to National Geographic to tell them that we are sick of those Californian show-offs and that we deserve a chance to prove ourselves,” said Pendleton.

National Geographic has yet to respond to WOT’s efforts.


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  1. A. Nonymous

    Oh Barely Adventist. You had me at “We’re Old Too” <3 Happy Sabbath, ya'll! Keep up the funny! God has a sense of humor. After all, He created the platypus, a poisonous, egg-laying mammal with a beak and no teeth!

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