Adventist Church launches new “Potluck Finder” App

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Seventh-day Adventist Church released a Potluck Finder app today, aimed at streamlining the church visitation experience. The app allows baptized Seventh-day Adventist Read more […]

Adventist Church rolls out ‘side-hug only’ policy

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have passed legislation severely tigthening the parameters of what constitutes appropriate Adventist physical contact on Sabbath Read more […]

Kings Heralds, Heritage Singers sing-off to settle rivalry

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A sing-off has been announced between the Kings Heralds and the Heritage Singers to settle a decades-old rivalry between the two Adventist gospel music groups. The hotly Read more […]

OBG – Parents demand tuition refund from Southern for their unmarried kids

Look what we dug up from the archives:) COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Mark and Suzie Robertson, parents of two recent Southern Adventist University graduates, are demanding a full tuition and board Read more […]

NAD runs away from home, lives in shack

Columbia, Md. — Earlier today, bleary-eyed leaders of the North American Division of the Seventh-day Adventist Church somberly surveyed a dilapidated structure in Columbia, Maryland that would Read more […]

Andrews University to relocate now that Muhammad Ali no longer lives nearby

BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Andrews University announced today that the school’s campus will be moving “now that Muhammad Ali no longer lives in Berrien Springs.” Although the statement said Read more […]

Adventist singles praying for someone cute to manifest in church

As Sabbath approaches, single Seventh-day Adventists across the globe have confirmed that they are fervently praying for a cute single person to manifest in their local church on Sabbath morning. Read more […]

Adventist Church lowers maximum permissible depth of Sabbath wading water

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to more tightly articulate acceptable Sabbath keeping practices, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has released a new maximum depth of water Read more […]

Carson vows to slow down prophecy fulfillment in Trump administration

BALTIMORE, Md. — Retired Adventist neurosurgeon and former presidential candidate Ben Carson announced today that as part of presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump’s administration he will personally Read more […]