Ben Carson wins Little Debbie’s presidential endorsement

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — While Seventh-day Adventist opinions on Adventist former neurosurgeon Ben Carson’s presidential candidacy have been all over the map, a large, Adventist-owned corporation Read more […]

Union College historian claims Ellen White was directionally challenged

LINCOLN, Neb — Controversy erupted today afterĀ Union College Professor of History R.J. Leemin alleged that Ellen White, the co-founder of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, was “directionally-challenged.” Leemin Read more […]

Oregon militia leave refuge to honor pre-scheduled Pathfinder winter camp

MALHEUR REFUGE, Ore. — Oregon militia members that had been staging an armed occupation of the state’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge Area, are leaving. The reason given for the exodus was Read more […]

Adventist filmmakers threaten to boycott Oscars after getting no nominations. Ever.

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Seventh-day Adventist filmmakers have announced their plans to boycott the Feb 26, 2016 Oscars Ceremony. The filmmakers explained that the decision not to attend the Academy Read more […]

Gitmo prisoner refuses transfer to “oppressive” Bogenhofen, Adventist school in Austria

GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba – An unnamed Guantanamo Bay detainee offered relocation to an Adventist educational institution in Austria has refused the offer due to what he claims are “oppressive living Read more […]

Trump to Adventists: “Steps to Christ” is my third favorite book

WEST DES MOINES, Iowa — In a mad scramble for votes, presidential candidates are courting crowds of every Christian denomination in order to woo their members. GOP national front runner Donald Read more […]

“Straight Outta Compton” inspires Heritage Singers “Straight Outta Placerville” movie

PLACERVILLE, Calif. — The huge box office success of biographical drama Straight Outta Compton chronicling the rise and fall of Compton, California hip-hop group N.W.A. has inspired Seventh-day Read more […]

NFL caves to concussion lawsuits, adopts Adventist “friendly competition” flag football

NEW YORK, N.Y. — The NFL has responded to rapidly multiplying concussion lawsuits from former players by changing the rules of the sport. As of next season, games will be played by what NFL Read more […]

Adventist evangelist: Nobody is going anywhere until one more responds to altar call

BREAKING NEWS Marietta, Ga. — Today’s evangelistic campaign crowd in downtown Marietta, Ga. has been notified that everyone will be staying put until at least one more brave soul comes up Read more […]

General Conference suspends North American Division from decision making for supporting women

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have chosen to sanction the North American Division of the church for what GC leadership calls “disruptive Read more […]