Bear Grylls volunteers as World Pathfinder Director

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists announced this morning that British adventurer and wilderness survival TV star Bear Grylls has accepted a volunteer position Read more […]

18 million Adventists breathe sigh of relief as Carson ends campaign

SILVER SPRING, Md. — General Conference officials are reporting a torrential outpouring of relief from Seventh-day Adventists around the world as news spreads that Adventist retired neurosurgeon Read more […]

GC on Leap Day: “Leaping for joy in church is OK”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leap Day comes with what analysts already are calling the biggest Adventist surprise this century: General Conference leaders of the Seventh Day Adventist Church have chosen Read more […]

Offerings this Sabbath to go to reviving Carson Campaign

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a dramatic reversal of previous positions, General Conference leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church have decided to throw their full support behind Adventist former Read more […]

GC asks Adventists to stop drinking Roma as it sounds “too Catholic”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists is asking members to stop drinking the coffee substitute Roma as the products name “sounds too Catholic.” Tray Poastuhm, Read more […]

Loma Linda University Church faces shutdown for not changing baptismal water

LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Loma Linda city public health authorities have announced the likely shutdown of Loma Linda University Church after discovering that the baptismal tank water had not been Read more […]

Obama nominates Adventist Senate Chaplain Barry Black to Supreme Court

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama has nominated Rear Admiral Barry Black, U.S. Senate Chaplain, to the US Supreme Court. If confimed by the Senate, Black would replace recently deceased Read more […]

Southern’s Village Market bankrupt after disappointing Valentine’s carob sales

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University’s Village Market has declared bankruptcy after failing to sell any of its Valentine’s carob inventory. Despite starting to advertise the product Read more […]

Adventist Church reprimands Union College for slipping okra into haystacks

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Leaders of the Seventh-day Adventist Church released a scathing rebuke of the denomination’s Nebraska-based Union College this morning. The criticism from the church’s General Read more […]