Headstrong Member Crushed to Hear Church Has Room For Guy That Doesn’t Agree With Him

In a stunning blow to his ego, super-opinionated church member Chad Righteous was devastated to hear that his church has room for a guy that doesn’t agree with his theology. “I’m literally Read more […]

Underpaid Church Employee Sick of Hearing His Treasure is in Heaven

Timothy, who has faithfully served as the church’s youth pastor for over a decade, is now lamenting his earthly situation and wishing for some tangible benefits to go along with his eternal rewards. “I Read more […]

Heaven’s List of Redeemed Under GC Scrutiny

The General Conference has submitted a formal reminder to heaven that GCADCOM needs to review the list of anyone who will be admitted through the Pearly Gates. The reminder, based on a new Read more […]

Congregation Sure Pastor Just Adlibbed Entire Sermon

Members of Windy Road SDA silently took to texting each other 35 minutes into their pastor’s sermon this Sabbath as it became painfully clear that he hadn’t done an ounce of prep for his remarks. Pastor Read more […]

Church Leader Shuts Down Discussion, Reminds Everyone He’s “The Lord’s Anointed”

In an impassioned call to delegates at a recent church leadership meeting, Ned Olsen called for everyone to cease discussion, embrace “unity” and vote conscientiously according to his views Read more […]

Kid Optimistically Asks For Seventh Time if Sermon Almost Over

  At Droneville SDA young Timmy’s patience wore thin as the sermon dragged on for what felt like an eternity. Pastor Snoreworth’s droning was enough to test anyone’s resolve. Timmy Read more […]

Local Saint Begins Every Day Praying for God to Smite Her Enemies

In a stunning display of faith and passive aggression, a local woman has taken up a new morning ritual that has everyone at her local Adventist congregation watching their back. Meet Susan McDivine, Read more […]

Back Pew Critic Never Done Anything Constructive In Life

Lifelong Adventist Jerry Backlash, has been dubbed the Back Pew Critic at his local Longsuffering SDA Church for his remarkable talent for pointing out flaws in every aspect of church life while Read more […]

Guy Who Never Goes to Church Turns Up To Business Meeting

Some guy who has never actually been seen at church suddenly turned up at business meeting this afternoon with a burning desire to assert his authority over the most critical aspects of ministry Read more […]

Conference President Aggressively Marketing Problem Pastors to Foreign Mission Fields

In an epiphany at the end of a long day of meetings last year, Troubled Waters Conference President Max Trabajo decided he’d had enough of having to deal with the most difficult pastors in his Read more […]