Adventism sets record for church with most rules
LONDON, England — The Adventist Church has set a Guinness World Record for the Christian church with the most rules. The Guinness organization had spent years tallying the rule count for Read more […]
Car with 666 license plate towed from church parking lot
Glendale, Calif. — This week’s Sabbath service at Chevy Chases Adventist Church was interrupted repeatedly with calls for “the owner of a white Honda with 666 plates” to remove the vehicle from Read more […]
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Adventist boasts amazing ability to make any board game Sabbath-appropriate
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Setlar Catan, a self-described Adventist “board game fanatic” has quickly become an Adventist celebrity after claiming that he knows how to make absolutely any board game Read more […]
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Michigan Conference Elects Female President
LANSING, Mich. — In a historic first, the Michigan Conference of the Adventist Church has elected a female president. Diana Prince, a former missionary to Amazon tribes, won a landslide victory Read more […]
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Adventist found guilty of Sabbath swimming after falling in pool
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Supreme Court has found a member guilty of Sabbath swimming despite what he claims was an entirely accidental fall into a friend’s pool. The incident which Read more […]
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GC mistakenly sends out Second Coming alert
SILVER SPRING, Md. — A virtual thunderbolt struck Adventism today as the General Conference headquarters of the church sent out a push notification to members’ phones announcing the Second Coming. The Read more […]
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Adventist church greeters required to use breath mints
ADVENTIST WORLD — In a move towards fresher hospitality for Adventist churches, greeters will be required to use breath mints as of this coming Sabbath. The new policy was established after Read more […]
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Southern increases student fines to keep up with inflation
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Southern Adventist University has raised the price of students fines to keep up with inflation. All of the items on the university’s impressively comprehensive list of Read more […]
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Spirit-led Adventist late to church after taking wrong exit
INLAND EMPIRE, Calif. — A devout Adventist well known for claiming to be “100% Spirit-led” sheepishly sank into a back pew last Sabbath after getting hopelessly lost on the way to church. Dubbel Read more […]
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Adventist schools forbidden from keeping score in sports
ADVENTIST WORLD — Effective immediately, Adventist elementary schools, academies and universities have been ordered to stop keeping score during any kind of sport. The new rule is designed Read more […]
