Adventist contractor exclusively builds Sabbath-appropriate wading pools

PUDDLE, Fla. — An Adventist contractor has launched a business exclusively dedicated to building shallow pools appropriate for Sabbath wading. Holly Stride has taken out ads all over Adventist Read more […]

Sabbath School exams to identify Adventists that don’t study quarterly

ADVENTIST WORLD — Starting this weekend, Adventists will be subjected to Sabbath School exams to test their knowledge of the quarterly. The weekly exams will take place right before the start Read more […]

Adventist wilderness bunkers selling like crazy after North Korean nuclear test

THE WOODS — Since the latest North Korean nuclear test, Adventist wilderness bunkers have turned into the hottest properties on the real estate market. Previously the exclusive obsession Read more […]

Adventist credit card launched, doesn’t work on Sabbath

SILVER SPRING, Md.— An Adventist Visa card was launched today with some unique features. The credit card is available exclusively through ABC stores and will not work on Sabbath. “Our Read more […]

Raising hands in worship identified as Adventist unpardonable sin

ADVENTIST WORLD — Raising hands in worship has always been taboo in Adventist circles. The practice has now been elevated to the unenviable status of “Adventist unpardonable sin” by theologians Read more […]

Seating charts made official at Adventist Churches

ADVENTIST WORLD — For the first time in Adventist history, churches will feature official seating charts. Each member will have an assigned seat and visitors will be seated at the very front Read more […]

SWAT team frees trapped Adventists from altar call

ATRAPADO, Fla. — Minutes ago, 250 souls were freed from Atrapado Lane Adventist Church by a SWAT team. The rescue mission took place after news that a visiting preacher’s altar call had Read more […]