SILVER SPRING, Md. — An old-boy network is busy packing glass ceiling schematics and immense influence into boxes for a move into the General Conference building later this month. The network Read more […]
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. — Local legalist and amateur unicyclist Wudfer Treeze rejoiced in the discovery of a new strip mall at which to practice his balancing act this morning. Treeze was delighted Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md.— In a move that has sent shockwaves of enthusiasm across the world, the Seventh-day Adventist Church has announced its decision to commission Pulitzer, Emmy, Tony, and Grammy Read more […]
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Zach Galifianakis, the comedic actor and host of Comedy Central’s Between Two Ferns has licensed the concept of his brilliantly successful talk show to an Adventist Independent Read more […]
LINCOLN, Neb. — The minute word got out that Union College had issued special edition FriChik cans, orders came pouring in from End Times enthusiasts in mountain cabins everywhere. The FriChik Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ben Carson has been tapped to replace Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications Director. “I realize that being communications director around here has turned Read more […]
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Effective immediately, all baptized members of the Adventist Church will be required to take pre-Sabbath baths. The new policy was announced this morning by the General Read more […]
LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Adventists around the world have been called to abandon the “unclean veggie meat” in Big Franks now that a healthier, less processed Loma Linda veggie hot dog has arrived Read more […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A team of US congressional aides have been assigned the task of studying all levels of Adventist governance. The goal is to discover ways to help lawmakers in Congress Read more […]
BORING, Ore. — An Adventist man has sued his local congregation after miraculously surviving a fall from an open church window. Charly Drawsee had reportedly opened a balcony window at Tumble Read more […]
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